Category: Unfiltered Rants

Random musings during an oil change 

· 1 Comment ·

Setting: Starbucks cafe. 

Partner in crime: My son Vincent. 

I have 30-45 minutes to spare so let’s have some afternoon fun with a stream of consciousness. 

First off; how about them fucking Cardinals?! Yeah I said fuck. This isn’t ksdk so I can say mean words that upset people in certain zip codes. 

The Birds flew away from the nest ineptitude with a series win over the Giants and it was all about good pitching. Three games and solid starts all the way around. After a late nap on Friday against Johnny Cueto the bats came alive. At 30-27 the Cards are still shitty by the legendary standards their fans hold them to but baby steps were made. 

Since the Cards own the most playoff wins since 2000, fans can’t stand an average team. They want to sell parts in May. Close the season after 55 games. Done. There’s still time left and in case you forgot, there’s two wildcard spots and the Cards made a few impressive runs this past decade as a wildcard team. Keep the damn faith. 

Why do they do this? It’s easy to cast a team off. Better on the nerves. You don’t need to hold out hope. The fact is this 2016 team is bizarre. Their pitching is seesaw average but their bats are fierce. Their defense is ugly and their base running is elementary. They are impossible to predict but stick with them. Let them finish June, get halfway, and then the bandwagon fans have my permission to let their interest die. 

Rams Carelessness

For the first time since 1994, St. Louis has no football team to gauge or prepare for.  There will be no football in STL this year or next. Or the ten after that. 

That’s okay. Hockey and baseball are enough. I won’t watch much football this year. As a fan, they took my woman and my mistress. The Rams left and Peyton Manning retired. I’m not adopting a team. Sorry Chiefs fans. Sorry Jags fans. No thanks. I gave my restocked testicular fortitude to the Rams for twenty years. Got a super bowl out of it. That’s it. All I need. The truth I stopped giving a shit a few years back. When Stan bought his lot of land in LA. It was only a matter of time. 

I got better things to waste my time on. 

2016 lacks a dynamite film

In the sixth month of this year and no film has blown my tits off. Left me with that giddy feeling. No dynamic weapon yet. 

There have been good ones. Some of them even great or little more. 

13 Hours showed me Michael Bay wasn’t a complete waste of space. 

Midnight Special was a personal blend of ET and the Abyss mixed with Super 8. 

Civil War was one of Marvel’s best but it didn’t resonate like Dark Knight or Winter Soldier. 

Deadpool was hilarious but fleeting. 

There were others. Nothing outstanding. I’m still waiting for my Chef(2014 gem released in May). Waiting on a End of Watch(released in May 2012). A Purge Anarchy surprise. A sleeper slam like Killer Joe. A wide eyed tale like Martian. 

Maybe this summer will elicit something truly great. Maybe not. 

Muhammad Ali’s influence

A few more words on Ali. His influence was his greatest source of legacy.  Floyd Mayweather Jr. worked from the book that Ali built on opponent pre fight dissection. He taught fighters how to back up your words. He taught a nation how to speak up for yourself and stand strong. Save me the “he was a member of the Nation of Islam”. I won’t slam anyone’s religious beliefs. The people who get mad about a man not believing in their particular God can get bent. Get over yourself.  

Even when Parkinson’s robbed him of his physical gifts just two years after his career ended in 1981, he let the rest of his soul shine. There will be another like him. Just imitations. Rest easy champ. 

A word about David Freese. Last night in Pittsburgh, Pirates manager Clint Hurdle let the players sport penguins gear in practice. David Freese asked if he could wear a Blues one and got a look. Thanks Freezer. You can take the kid out of the Lou but you can’t take the Lou out of the kid. 

How serious am I about the radio? As the lovely Katie Kay Dallman pointed out to me a couple of weeks back, I passed up a chance to see my beloved Dave Matthews Band in Arkansas last month to do an extra night of We Are Live Radio. Those two nights of hosting a radio show on CBS sports radio proved how bad I want to do radio in the future. 

It has to do with a need to get my voice out there to an audience that doesn’t want to sit and read. It has to do with great guys like Chris Denman and Travis Terrell who gave me the chance. Radio is exciting and something I want in my future. Those two nights in May gave me and a few listeners a small peek into a future. 

Cards phenom Alex Reyes exited after 1.2 innings today. While he’s a white hot talent, the kid is young and only made four starts at Memphis. Give him time. There’s no need to rush a guy with that much skill. 


The kid is truly enjoying this oil change wait. 

There’s nothing wrong with resting Yadier Molina more. He’s only caught the most innings in baseball for quite some time. Save those knees. 

Mike Matheny is an expert at messing up the simplest parts of managing. 

Now that Banshee finished its legendary run on Cinemax, the must watch show is Kingdom. Yes Frank Grillo is in it but that’s only one of the reasons to tear into this MMA series. It’s DNA is marked in authenticity. If you like good drama, unexpected moments, great acting and some fights give it a shot. Audience network on Uverse. Channel 1114(114). 

Daddy realization. When your kid can function on his own but starts doing adult things like negotiate, work an IPAd, and cook his own food. “They grow up so fast” is the truest saying ever. 

Dream vehicle is still a truck. They are a lot of work but damn it a Dodge Ram is all this man needs. 

Iced coffee is always a good option but any coffee joint that can perfect a macchiato has my money. Four shots of espresso and some foam to ease the blow. 

Beer of choice at the moment. Stella Artois. A smooth drink and good year round. Also one of the healthiest beers on the market if you want to watch your figure and enjoy something without a light attached to its name. 

T-shirts are all I wear these days. The goodness of being a writer/stay at home parent is being able to grow a beard and having pants be optional for work every day. 

When you wear t shirts for a living, there’s a specific kind you grow to like. My favorite blend is the tri blend. Fine cotton, polyester and rayon. Ringspun cotton and modal are also nice fabrics. Yes I just went there. 

Closing comments and bits:

At this point I’m not voting. Please don’t tell me my one vote matters. 

Drivers ANYWHERE suck. Not just your city. 

Internet trolls are real people and sad ones at that. I’ve had 20+ accounts make a fine attempt to upset me by ragging on my family. Too bad their mom’s basement doesn’t have air conditioning. 

Band to listen to-Gaslight Anthem. Lead singers voice makes you feel everything.  

Show to watch later this year-Quarry on Cinemax. 

That’s all I got. Time to wrap this up. Thanks for digesting not this unprofessional random stream of thought. 

Stanford Rapist Gets off Easy: Painful sign of our times

· Leave a comment ·

Fuck you Brock Turner. You gutless piece of shit. What you did to an innocent 23 year old college student will never go away in the eyes of the right people. The law, including soft Judge Aaron Persky, decided you only needed six months of jail time for being found guilty on three felonies, including assault with intent to rape. Instead of getting the maximum of 14 years or even 3-5, you get six measly months. I can only hope someone inside gives you a friendly welcome.

Let me catch the rest of you up on the events. In January of 2015, a young woman took her sister to a party and woke up the next morning behind a trash can. She was missing underwear and was raped by a freshman. He ran off but was thankfully tackled by a pair of Swedes who were riding their bikes nearby. This woman would spend her night getting poked, prodded, and thoroughly examined by doctors. The feelings of her abuse would never simmer.

Judge Persky noted how more than six months of jail time would do too much damage to this young man, who was a noted swimmer. Yeah, too much damage for him but the woman he abused in the worst way will feel this for the rest of her life. She won’t be able to be touched, held, or stand close to another man for a long time. The closest people around her will tax themselves trying to make her feel safe. Her sister will feel terrible for bringing her to the party. Her boyfriend will be the uncomfortable shadow of a terrible memory. Thanks Judge for taking it easy on Poor Brock for invading a woman in the most uncomfortable way.  (more…)

From STL to Arkansas: The evolving job status

· 2 Comments ·

I didn’t have a dream job in St. Louis. It was a decent paying gig and I did my best to make do without hating it. Ronnoco Coffee was the warehouse and I did a number of things for them. I worked the dock-unloading and loading trucks-as well as working in the production and picking areas. I drove the transfer truck and even roasted coffee for a few weeks. When you work in a warehouse, you do everything but sit around and count the squares on the wall. It’s busy physical work.

When it comes to warehouse grunt work, I’m a veteran. I’ve worked in six different warehouses for five different companies. Park 370 Schnucks, Senoret Chemical, Bommaritto Wines, Conway Trucking and Ronnoco. Each place has their own personal rigors and delights. You haven’t loaded a truck until you’ve pushed 60 skids of chemicals onto a 53 foot trailer with the driver sleeping inside his truck. I’ve driven a Yale, Toyota, Kawasaki, and a few other fork lift brands. The smell of propane in the morning is worse than a bad instance of gas from a football fan who loves bratwurst.

In December of 2014, my wife had an opportunity to acquire her own store. She was an assistant manager at the Tile Shop in Sunset Hills and had a chance to be a Store Manager but it would have to come in a different state. Florida and Alabama were possibilities. Then, Arkansas came up. Little Rock, Arkansas. It seemed harmless at first. A new beginning in a different place. The cover of the book looked great but if you flipped the pages inside too fast, the general climate of change would pass you by.  (more…)

Writing is a therapeutic adventure for me

· Leave a comment ·

For me, writing has always been a therapeutic adventure. Something I needed to do in order to keep the noise in my head at a dull roar. Every writer has ideas, needs, and different tools in order to express their opinion rolling around in their cerebellum at all times. I love telling stories, providing perspective and being a unique voice of reason for my readers.

It all started when I was a young kid living in St. Louis. I would get up every morning, grab a couple quarters and sprint to the nearest St. Louis Post Dispatch paper machine to read what sports writer Bernie Miklasz had to say. I needed to get his take. He was my voice. I craved an editorial perspective on sports, movies or television. Right then, I knew what I wanted to do for a living.

Today, all I do is write and about a number of subjects.I can tell you what television show to watch, what movie to go see in theaters, and then detail the St. Louis Cardinals latest offseason moves in one evening internet search. It keeps me happy, sane and provides me with an edge to constantly forward with. (more…)

Buffa’s Greatest Rants: Volume One

· Leave a comment ·

Back in the day before I picked up the media weapon and fired it like a lethal weapon to the vast corners of cyber space, I was a ranting maniac on the email circuit. Emails were sexy once. Hotmail to be exact. Yeah, that email service that looks about as cool as MySpace right now was my home to unleash 3,000 worded long winded and epic rants about sports, film, personal stories and also “Fuck You” lists. Whatever I wanted. Anytime. Mostly once a week. No editor. No website. Just a need to impose my will without thinking twice.

Since I made the jump over to gmail as much, but I still keep the hotmail email like an old rifle stored in the closet gathering dust. Like Batman walking over to his old batcave, I stumble over there from time to time and check out the drafts, saved emails and volleys between friend when they responded. PJ, Derek, Jimmy, and others. You know who you are, you inglorious bastards. Today, I was hanging out there and thought I’d dip back into the drafts and legendary sent packages and compose a greatest hits section. Volume 1 because I sent over 1,000 rants before I picked up the Dose of Buffa WordPress in July, 2011. So, without much further bullshitting, I present the first batch. Now would be the time to click out of this.

BAD MOODS SUCK(8/22/2011).   The only thing worse than a bad mood is spreading it around so others can get a piece of it.  My idea is, if you are in a shitty mood and don’t feel like dealing with the outside world, find your personal cave, go there, and leave everyone alone.  People really fuck up when they try to tough it out and hang while pissed off.  Bad things don’t happen, friendships aren’t damaged, but a sting is left in place.  Another lesson when I was young from the old man.  My dad told me this precisely about 99 times, “If you are in a bad mood, go bang your head on a brick wall many times until you hurt, which will take away the mental pain for the time being.  Also, you will be the only one feeling this pain.”  He never followed his own advice.  I try to enforce it today.  If you are pissed off, go home.  Laughter isn’t the fucking medicine. (more…)

Being a good parent means not forgetting about yourself

· Leave a comment ·

I remember the first moment Vinny was born and the message that went through my head. “It’s all about him now.” And also, forget about sleep for a month but I digress..

When your kid comes into the world, you are no longer the star of your own show. The screenplay shifts and pivots on a twist. A young 6 pound kid takes center stage and the rest is bullshit. Filler. Fluff. Crap. Nowhere near important. And it’s okay.

When Vinny was born on September 2011, the Cards were in the middle of one of their greatest runs in the history of their franchise. 10.5 games out on August 25th before streaking towards a playoff berth and eventually the World Series. They overtook Beast Mode in Milwaukee, Ron Washington and Nolan Ryan’s ego, and the relentless Texas Rangers. In the middle of that, Vinny made his entrance. It was a perfect collision of responsibility and passion.

I didn’t write for KSDK or any other website back then. I wrote blogs right here once a week. Rambling and ranting that only a handful of people noticed. A hundred Twitter follows and a Facebook page without color. None of that shit mattered, right? Well, it’s not that simple.

Here’s the flip side of the “kid is the star of the show” ideal. If you don’t care of yourself, what the fuck kind of parent will you be? If one isn’t happy, he or she can’t please others or make a great life for someone. He’s isolated in dread and agony. What fun is that?

The biggest lie or hollow promotion a parent will ever tell is “I don’t matter. It’s all about them.” Wrong. You need to matter and need to convey something or hold a certain level of passion. If you do not do this, what can you offer a kid? When Vinny looks at me, he wants to be like me. He wants my approval. Always. Constant. Every day. Every kid wants their parent to see them and love them. They do this by watching you and seeing you smile. Then, they know how it will feel when you smile at them. What if a parent doesn’t smile enough? Something is wrong.

It is all about the kids but if you don’t take care of yourself, you will be in a world of pain for a long time and your kids won’t benefit from it. The only thing that changes in your life when you have a kid is sleep, time management and your food bill. What you get is a chance to relaunch through this kid. They are supposed to give you energy and give you new meaning. I want to write as much as I can, run as much as I can. smile as often as I can and make Vinny’s life a constant event.

You aren’t ignoring your daughter or son if you take time for yourself. It’s required.

When I was growing up, I’d watch my dad work, play and basically move through life. You may not know it when you are 5 years old or 10 years old but you are taking notes on parenthood. My dad was a loving parent and attentive but he took time for himself. He’d sit out back and smoke a cigar late at night or play some music and sit still for a while. I understood that and tried to remember to do so.

That is why when the wife and kid go to bed, I have my own time. I write, go to the gym, listen to music, watch some TV or have a drink. I take time for myself. Every parent should. If not, you are doing more harm than good.

You aren’t abandoning your child or doing parenthood wrong if you take a few hours for yourself.

Thanks for reading,

DLB

DB Beard

Talking Points: An old fashioned rant

· Leave a comment ·

How the fuck are you this morning?

Welcome to an old fashioned, ladies and gents. Sit down, because this will take a while. Get that scrolling index finger ready. It’s time to kick it old school and just unleash a rant. I spend so much time writing “columns” aka organized assholes. No guarded and proper stories that are spaced out perfectly around ads or rejected because they are too bruising to egos or reputations. When I started the Dose five years ago, I wanted the trigger code to read, “Write Whatever The Fuck I Please”. There will lots of fucks in this blog by the way so brace yourself. You know, that word we use a ton but don’t want to write digitally or in print because our professional tag may get stained. Fuck it, let’s say whatever we want. There will be long winded uncut paragraphs that would make an English professor spit out his whiskey soaked cup of hot tea. I don’t care. I flunked out of college. This blog won’t be proofread either, so spare me the corrections or keyboard gangster feel good segments. Forward your punctuation police tickets to my four year son, who will promptly tell you, “Put on Netflix and leave my dad alone.” Let’s talk.

Thank you UFC. MMA. Whatever. Give it a name and I’ll buy a tri-blend t-shirt with it on the chest. Dana White’s entourage of brutal asskickers is growing for one simple reason. He makes fight cards that contain unknowns. Thrillers. His fights have upset written all over them. Unlike boxing promoters, who design fights like their dick is holding a pair of tweezers over a microscope and burning candle, White shows zero fear in matching different styles in a ring. He put Ronda Rousey, the cover of GIRL POWER Nation, in a ring with a kickboxer for christs sakes! He put Conor McGregor in the ring with a ground and pound specialist. He embraces the “You Never Know” every single card. That is why local bars and pubs are showing UFC fights and NOT boxing fights. The hype is matched by the fights and humans love carnage. While you may resemble a whistle blowing bitch on the NFL and other violence, nothing gets more retweets on twitter than a single punch knockout or violent vine. Since our birth, violence is like CRACK. If we can’t be the ones fighting in that ring, we MUST SEE it. Over and over. Who watches the replay of a knockout or submission one time? Nobody. Mother Teresa would have said damn when Holly Holm aka the Preacher’s Daughter went to sleep with a minute left in the fight. Thank you Dana White for having BALLS.

Respect to Conor McGregor for having class after a huge loss. Instead of leaving the ring like a petulant bitch(Hey Ronda), Conor stayed and took the heat. He did the postfight Q&A and the presser. The guy moved up two weight classes(25 pounds people) to accept the replacement challenge of Nate Diaz. He threw everything but the chairs at ringside at Diaz in their nearly two round fight. He tried. The Irish Tazmanian Devil has lightning quick hands and opened holes all over Diaz’s face but the challenger just kept coming. When it was all over, and the lights were going out, The Notorious One made a last second lunge for Diaz and fell into a trap. He tapped. He is no longer invincible in the UFC, and added his 3rd loss to his overall MMA record. He’ll be back. He is still the 145 pound champ and main shit disturber. He can pick his next opponent. Fighters still fear him and should. He’s got some blood dripping from his shoulder now. He’s wounded. Pissed off. I like Conor because he backs up his big talk with big time efforts and he is fucking fearless. You tell him the brick wall in front of him won’t break and he’ll spend a few hours punching and kicking it trying to defy logic. He takes challenges and fights his ass off. It’s not all smoke and mirrors. I’ll be watching.

Spring Training sucks. Really. Look, there’s nothing wrong with sitting down and watching these fake games. Everybody does. Just don’t slam people for not caring or having the strong opinion that getting worked up over Jupiter battles is futile. March exists for one reason. Repetition and recovery. Pitchers and hitters getting back what was rusty. It’s not about their batting average or strikeout total. The only thrill of watching spring training is seeing young players like Harrison Bader get a little tunnel of opportunity. Other than that, stay healthy, stay off motorcycles, and come to the regular season ready. There’s 162 games in a season folks. These games don’t count and matter little. Watch them but don’t lose sleep or breath. It’s not worth it. Look at Matt Holliday. When he saw his name on the lineup card playing first base, his back tightened up.

Will the Blues choke? I’ve already been asked this question and not for bad reasons. In a little over a month, the Blues will most likely start their first round playoff series. It’s getting close. That time of the year where a Blues fan gets really hopeful before their heart is ripped out of their chest and basketball is played with it. Will this team choke? I’ve written so many pieces on them for St. Louis Game Time this season, and a lot of it has been complaining. The Rogues in Blue have a way of frustrating their fanbase while compiling a great regular season record.

The Blues are like Peyton Manning before 2006. A great regular season contender who becomes less in the playoffs. Now, Peyton just retired and I will get to him later but the comparison is fitting. The Blues have made the playoffs over 35 times since their inception. A lot. They haven’t won much this past decade. A few series and a lot of blue balls and unsatisfied desires. Is 2015-16 different? I’d like to say yes but I just don’t think so. They have 85 points but still don’t score enough. Their team hasn’t been completely healthy that much this season, but few teams are. It’s all about executing when the spotlight gets wide and hot. Not about excuses or how much effort was shown. I see guys who weren’t here last year like Colton Parayko and Robby Fabbri. They are the real deal and may give the team something extra. Then I see the team going seven games and scoring 2 goals or less in five of those contests and get worried. This team is too hard to read. Will they choke? Don’t ask me that question yet. Where’s that red haired lady from Game of Thrones? Ask her.

Carlos Martinez is a better pitcher than Michael Wacha. It’s not even close. If you need reasons, check out my piece later this week at Redbird Rants(shameless plug!).

Peyton Manning will officially retire today and it’s a perfect ending to a great career. The man had a helluva run. Instead of bucking and going to the Los Angeles Go Fuck Yourself Rams, he will hang up his cleats. He screamed “OMAHA” for the last time in the Super Bowl he won with the help of a great defense. Manning has two rings, every single worthy QB regular season record and he has tons of class. Read a few stories on what his guy has done throughout his career for people in his community. Calling victims of violence or their loved ones in a time of need. He called the parents of Jessica Redfield, the woman killed in the Aurora movie theater shootings, days after her death. Forget the hack claims that he sexually assaulted a woman in college. Those claims ran into a brick wall. I love hearing about something that happened 18 years ago being used as a weapon today. Fuck those butthurt fools!

Manning goes out on top. Riding off into the sunset while flipping Kroenke the bird. He did what he needed to do. Won the elusive 2nd Super Bowl ring and can now enter the top 5 quarterbacks of all time. Unlike Tom Brady, controversy or a stupid Pete Carroll play call never brought down Manning’s achievements. He did it all clean and the hard way. The man was left for dead in 2011 after a neck surgery severed his ties with the Indianapolis Colts. He had four neck surgeries and still came all the way back to lead his team to two Super Bowls. How many players took two different teams from mediocrity or shit to the promise land a pair of times? He took the Colts and Broncos to the big game twice,and gave each town a title. How many quarterbacks did that? How many did it at such a late age? Peyton’s boss, John Elway, did and that’s kind of cool.  Manning could have went to LA, Houston, or some other shithole and took more abuse and probably finished with a 9-7 or 8-8 record. Fuck that. Leave with your mind and body intact. So many players leave on a stretcher. They leave on a mental slab of metal, unable to convince their mind that the body has taken enough damage. It’s not just the sacks or quarterback rushes. It’s the late hits these days. That shit hurts. Remember Troy Aikman and Kurt Warner getting slammed and smashed during their final days. Do they regret it? Their mouth will say no but their cartilage and muscles will say yes. Manning avoids all of that. Good for him. Get on that horse and go host Saturday Night Live some more(because it SUCKS) and do some commercials.

With Peyton’s exit and the Rams move, I am without a team and favorite player. I won’t be acquiring a new team or favorite player. Not now. I won’t be watching much NFL action next year. The league took a BIG dump on my hometown and frankly, I’ve been slowly losing interest in its play. A bunch of dumb bastards hitting other dumb bastards. Lots of inactivity. Lots of commercials. A Super Bowl driven by commercials. A league driven purely by greed with little care for its fans. Since my team and my player are gone, so am I. I am not saying I won’t watch. That would be a flat out lie. I just won’t care as much as I did before, and that’s a stance I won’t waver on. The NFL isn’t family or a friend. They are a stranger on the street who used to be good looking and worthy of my attention.

Canelo Alvarez is going to smoke Amir Khan in May. It may be an interesting fight for a few rounds, but once Saul sizes up his foe, the fists will unleash a tormenting pain that the glass jar of Khan won’t be able to withstand. Later this year, Alvarez and Gennady Golovkin will come together for the biggest fight in boxing since….Pacquiao and Mayweather Jr. last year. This fight will be worth every single penny because these guys will fill out their medical forms completely, not let off site politics get in the way and they will stand and trade shots until one of them drops. That may be the last worthy PPV contest for a few years. Or ten.

Fuck Manny Pacquiao. In case you thought my dose last week was quiet fumes, my stance holds up. When he compared homosexuals to animals, he lost my support. If your religion doesn’t allow you to support something, that’s fine. Choice is what REALLY drives this world and life anyway. Believe in what you want. Comparing a gay man or lesbian woman to an animal is disrespectful, stupid, and simply uncalled for. I hope Timothy Bradley takes the real Mickey(Teddy Atlas) and kicks Manny’s ass six ways from Saturday. True thought: Manny stopped being an electric fighter when Juan Manual Marquez stopped his clock back in 2013.

What do I miss most about St. Louis? Family, the streets, Busch Stadium and other regulatory shit but I miss the FOOD the most. Good food. Easy to find good food. Mom’s Deli. Dewey’s Pizza. Zia’s on the Hill. La Cosecha Coffee and Shaw’s Coffee. Tucker’s Steak House. Johnnies in Soulard. Uncle Bills. I even miss Quik Trip. I envy the folks who get Tim Horton’s 24/7 coffee service off Olive downtown. Arkansas food sucks monkey balls.

The election is going to be a fucking gong show folks. Who are you voting for? The answer is you are fucking crazy. All these candidates suck. Republican, Democrat, Independent, Dependent on Stupid, Co-Dependent on French Fries, or whatever. If Donald Trump is elected, we are doomed. If Ted Cruz is elected, he won’t produce any real change. What happened to all the truly good Presidents? When did it become a need to vote for the candidate least likely to do serious damage to our country? This is terrible. Like cold coffee cold Chinese food cold gravy dry turkey bad terrible. I’m not voting for anybody. I’m writing in Henry Rollins. He won’t win but I’ll sleep at night knowing I scribbled down a name that would reestablish the order. An agent of chaos maybe! Washington stinks. Like Twain said, change the diaper.

How the hell do guys grow a beard past 10 weeks? I hit the NINE week mark on Sunday. Nine. I have hair covering my lips. There’s a bush on my face and it creates odd weird stenches that I don’t want to describe. I love my beard. I am not comfortable without hair on my face. Not on my head. On my face. I started growing a beard about a year ago and will have one until I leave this rock. There’s something sophisticated about having a bald head and beard. People look at me like I shouldn’t be taken for granted and also wonder if they could grow something like that. I just wonder how guys grow a beard past 10 weeks without any trimming. I’m getting a trim on Wednesday. I’ve met my match. 9 and a half weeks. Here’s to you Mickey.

Watch Paul Sparks on Boardwalk Empire and then watch him in House of Cards. Now that is an actor. Two completely different characters yet a little similarity. Riveting. Yes, you have no idea who Paul Sparks is so let me help.

Suicide Squad will be better than Batman vs Superman. Why? Better director, story, and a more assured idea of what it wants to be. Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne will be the highlight of BvS. If you don’t care, save me the “I don’t watch Comic Book films.” Or be more original.

Can I talk to you about Frank Grillo? You know him well here. He leads “non Cardinal” story searches on the Dose. If you don’t know who he is, that’s a shame. He’s my favorite actor. An authentic 52 year old badass who is riding the height of a cannon blast that started eight years ago with a film called Pride and Glory. You never heard of it. Gavin O’ Connor directed this underrated gem about corrupt cops tied together through the hard string of family and gang violence. Edward Norton, Colin Farrell and Jon Voight all killed in it. One guy, Grillo, popped up in a scene that I won’t soon forget. A dirty cop terrorizing a clerk at a drug store for money and free shit, Grillo’s evil grin painted a couch in your memory. One scene is all he needed.

After that, there’s another O’Connor gem, Warrior. Grillo’s Frank Campana is a character he took off the page as a paper thin cardboard character and made him three dimensional. The Grey, End of Watch, and Captain America: Winter Soldier. All films that he was listed a few spots down on the depth chart but when you left the theater, all you wanted to know was “Who was that guy?” Grillo built his career like a hustler taking the extra base on a ball hit into the gap. He takes a role that looks familiar or invisible and turns it into something rich and memorable. Now, people are taking notice. He headlined The Purge: Anarchy(Purge 2) and will headline a third Purge film this summer. He stars in the critically acclaimed and audience underappreciated Direct TV series Kingdom, about a family of MMA fighters. A series that focuses more on what these guys and gals can’t hit outside the ring than the people they face in the octagon. A show that deserves your attention. Grillo will appear as a master shit disturber in Captain America: Civil War this spring. Truth be told, he is all over the place and the world of entertainment couldn’t be better for it. A lot of people in this business are handed shit. They are given a date to Prom. Grillo had to hustle against some big castmates. He wrestled away scenes from stars. Grillo isn’t the movie star. He’s the one the director brings in to kick the movie star’s ass.

I’ve gotten to know Frank over a few interview sessions and Twitter conversations and he’s true class. The man owes a guy like me nothing and he gives more of himself than a fan/writer could dream of. I’ll never stop being an advocate for whatever Grillo is doing. He earned it the hard way, is very good at what he does, and gives back.

What else? 10 bit Rapid fire round commencing….

The Chicago Blackhawks are going to be fierce in the playoffs again. The bastards added depth at the deadline, muscled up and won’t go away.

The Chicago Cubs won’t win a damn thing in 2016. Overrated team.

The Cards pitching staff is better than the Cubs. That will matter late in the season after Jake Arrieta blows his elbow off.

Do I write specifically for page clicks? No. I write stories that I find interesting, want answers to or my readers demand. Do I like page reads and clicks? YES. Any serious writer who says otherwise is a liar. LIAR!

Anybody that tweets a link more than once telling you to read “this latest piece on how flour helps make break” or whatever WANTS clicks.

I HATE writing solely to write. Write this so we hit this mark. The material should have some punch.

Nothing is more draining or useless than writing a game/TV show recap. Telling people what happened. They have TV replays for that. Make it fun or inventive. There’s too much content on the net to be ordinary.

Thanks for not giving me a real winter, Little Rock. Reason Arkansas sucks #4,420.

College sports are a bore so count me out for March Madness. Bring a pair of gloves over and head gear and we can spar. Now that will be madness.

Sam Bradford is NOT worth 18 million per season. Brock Osweiler is not worth 12 million per season. These NFL contracts are utterly hilarious.

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end. Your prize is a free subscription.

Sorry, not sorry, for saying FUCK so much. My blog. My rules. Deal with it.

Mocking Obama’s tears is extremely low

· Leave a comment ·

Presidents are human beings. Remember this the next time you think about criticizing a politician when he shows emotion. I know, it’s easy to say the tears beneath President Barack Obama’s eyes when he spoke about gun laws and the Sandy Hook tragedy were bullshit because it may feed your political agenda. Or it may just sound good joining the party.

The truth is I am not a political enthusiast. I don’t watch CNN or Fox News. I find politicians to be robotic, hands tied and mouth edited, fixtures propped up in front of people most of the time. It doesn’t matter if he is Republican or Democrat. Their words are always bent by Congress or the House Legislature. All of them. However, the one thing I won’t do is slam or mock a President for showing emotion about a tragedy like Sandy Hook where first graders were mercilessly killed in a classroom.

This is where people will say, “Well, he didn’t cry about San Bernandino or Paris, so what the hell!?” I don’t care. I am not going to do a full spectrum judging on Obama for what he didn’t or did cry over. Everybody has their own way of showing emotion or crying. We all have our get factors. The thing that possesses us to break. I didn’t cry about Paris or several other terrorist attacks. I don’t pick and choose what I cry over. That’s all part of being human and unique.

At the end of the day, Obama is human. Love or hate his politics. Approve or disapprove of his Presidential terms. He is human. A father and husband. Sandy Hook happened on US soil. It stung more than other tragedies. Whenever I think about it, rage and emotion fill my chest, neck and head. I need a moment to recalculate what I was doing. This is why I don’t fault Obama or wonder if he was faking during this speech. It’s human emotion. He was just being human. Far away from being a politician.

So when some makeup packed woman on Fox News wondered if there was an onion peel on the podium, I felt like giving her a piece of my mind. I felt like asking her to wake up and look in the mirror tomorrow morning and wonder how this face gets the privilege of spending her time on earth being called a human. The people who question raw human emotion are the ones we need to worry about. They are the ones holding back our species. I hope she went home, saw that segment and wondered, “How fucking dumb am I?” It has nothing to do with amendments and bills and everything to do with right and wrong. Skip to the 7:15 mark on this video clip from Trevor Noah’s monologue to see the woman make this ridiculously insane comment.

http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/tv/videos/a41024/trevor-noah-obama-tears-guns/

She is what we need to worry about. There’s cynical and then there is insanity with a lack of sharpening. The lack of respect for human decency. I don’t think Obama deserves praise for showing emotion. I also don’t think he deserves criticism. If so, what is this world coming to?

Sometimes, we all need a good cry.

Sports, nationalities, multi-tasking and why I watch

· Leave a comment ·

Let me get something off my chest…

While I was watching a boxing match Saturday night, a conversation broke out about whether Canelo Alvarez was 100% Mexican or allegedly..maybe..Irish. I don’t know. Something weird. He’s pale and has red hair so what if all albinos with a possible storage of red hair dye are hiding something. Anyway, I digress.

As we were having this glorious conversation, a fight was happening. A boxing match. What I paid 70 dollars to watch. 

In case you never watched a boxing match before, fights move fast. They are 12 three minute rounds with a pace that can be strict and without a care in the world for the people’s cash. They are not like football, which has commercials, breaks between quarters, and bigger breaks at halftime for conversation to break out and sponsors to make boatloads of cash. Where people can discuss the action while the players wait and their muscles get cold. Boxing moves at a big clip. Fighters don’t get big breaks. Boxing and MMA athletes smash each other in the face for three minutes at a time, so that is what I want to watch.

For me, I don’t give a fuck where a guy is from when I’m watching him fight. I really don’t. I don’t turn the TV on or pay extra money to watch two guys fight because Miguel Cotto’s nationality is Puerta Rican but he was born in Rhode Island. I don’t care if Alvarez was born in Mexico, speaks Spanish but may have Irish descent because he has red hair. 

Once the two fighters step between the ropes, where they are from means little to the outcome. I want to root for a particular fighter not because he is from a certain country or was raised here or there. It’s a great story that Manny Pacquiao is from the Philippines and he helps his country and gives back. That isn’t why I like him. I like him because he gets into that ring, walks forward, and has an intent to hit the other guy in the face often and from many angles. I like Pac because he doesn’t talk shit before a fight. He lets his hands be the judges. I like him because he is a good fighter, not because he is a weird eccentric Filipino who likes to have a concert after he is done fighting.

Same for football, hockey, and baseball. Any sport. Once they step on the field or the ice, it doesn’t matter where they are from, at least not for me. Sell papers elsewhere. Maybe during the Olympics or World Cup, where players from each country come together and compete. Yeah, maybe. Then again, I don’t watch them that much.

I watch boxing, baseball, football and hockey for the action that takes place inside the ring, field or 200 feet of ice. Why else would you watch it? Why debate something that has little to do with the event at hand? If they are running for political office, go ahead. If it is sports, who cares?

What makes Canelo Alvarez a great boxer and future superstar is his ability inside the ring. What sells posters and t-shirts will be his distinct look. The red hair, pale skin, and sharp Mexican accent. Casual fans and media eat that shit up. Guys want hair dye and girls want to fuck him. It sells papers and pushes it along. What will carve his name in the great history of boxing is his ability to fight 47 times and only lose once, knocking out over 30 of those opponents. What will make him great is beating championship level fighters like Austin Trout, Esalandry Lara and Cotto. What makes him great is packing Minute Maid Park in May and demolishing James Kirkland in the third round and having the audience cheer even though they just paid 100 bucks to watch a fight last less than 9 minutes. What will make him a great boxer will have little to do with his nationality or look. This isn’t a boy band. It’s fighting.

Canelo may be Irish but that isn’t why I want to watch him fight. 

Saturday wasn’t the first time I heard this, nor will it be the last so don’t take it personally. Just listen and digest a healthy opinion. Sometimes, you just have to get things off your chest. So feelings don’t get hurt and clarity is found.

By the way, when it comes to multi-tasking, I’m the fucking master! I clean my home daily(dishes, floors and everything else), sometimes seven times a day. I do that while doing ALL the laundry and cooking most of the meals. I do all of that while writing 3-4 articles a day that I DON’T get paid for, in addition to two others that I do get paid for. I do that while watching over a four year old rambunctious boy 24/7/365 for the past year save two months.  I do all of that while being a good husband to a Wonder Woman type hard working wife and staying in great shape at 33 years old. I do all of this while watching A SHIT ton of TV and actively social networking. That makes me the motherfucking MASTER of multi-tasking!

End of rant-DLB

This is how I feel right now…….

tumblr_nut75qR47k1qk75j9o2_500

I think Matt Lauria is American but let me ask him on Twitter.

Starbucks Holiday Cup Ridiculousness and MU Campus Madness

· 1 Comment ·

Sometimes, people say stupid things and do stupid things. Being someone who tries to evade stupidity and fails, I know all about it. This week, two groups of people created a need for a speech. A rant. Something to reestablish the order.

The Starbucks Cups

Someone made a comment how Starbucks holiday cups are offensive or affect them or something weird. As if the world needs a reason to create a discussion about Starbucks holiday cups. Seriously, an article on a Kardashian yoga pant tear or a Justin Bieber haircut  would be more topical. Who gives a shit about the cups? I love the new order of 2010 internet police. The people who can start stupid arguments like they are All the Presidents Men wannabe activists. It must be a good idea when they are sucking down Kale smoothies and yammering on about their society as they reset their playlist to Drake’s greatest hits. It must come over good in their brain. It doesn’t come down to the rest of us right.

10_28_13_starbucks_holiday_2013_1I like Starbucks holiday cups. Maybe it’s because I like the color red and Christmas is my favorite time of the year. It could be a festive thing. I no longer slurp their coffee but I do partake in their espresso packed drinks and my kid thinks their chocolate chip cookies or akin to euphoric dirt crumbs. It doesn’t matter. They are nice and there’s nothing OFFENSIVE about them. If I walked up to you and said “Go Fuck Yourself” without explanation, that would be offensive. A Starbucks holiday cup is not.

If you want to argue about something, try these on size:

  • Cops, firefighters and school teachers being terribly underpaid.
  • The fact that people are shooting each other a lot and this world is going to shit very fast.
  • The unemployment rate is still too high.
  • More people can correctly identify the judges of the Voice instead of four Presidents before they were born.
  • People who complain about being fat yet don’t want to do the work to stay healthy.
  • There should be a “stupid driver” regulator type Uber police force.
  • Several countries still don’t have clean water.
  • There’s someone out there who thinks its okay to walk into a school and harm children.

How much of a wuss nation do we live in that people complain about Starbucks holiday cups? Do me a fucking favor and stay home. Make Folgers and pour it on your head. Go outside and bang your head on a wall. That cut in your forehead will need more attention than Starbucks cups. Get a life.

MU Campus Madness  

As you and a million other folks know by now, the University of Missouri President Tom Wolfe resigned yesterday accusations that he hadn’t done enough to combat several racial incidents on campus. That wasn’t the entire reason. It was the fact that the Missouri football team were boycotting all their activities due to the lack of action and demanded he step down. You know what that means? Money would potentially get lost if the team didn’t play their games or maintain their schedule. Love or hate the result, what followed after the announcement from Wolfe really got the stupid train rolling. When a student photographer freelancing for ESPN was trying to take pictures of a peaceful protest, a Communications professor asked for “muscle” in pushing this kid away. A crowd of people got in this kid’s face telling him to stop taking pictures. Fellow students were doing this. Instead of running away, this kid stood his ground and brilliantly pointed out that the first amendment protects him and the crowd pushing him away. Check it out.

This was embarrassing for the school, which may I remind you is one of the top journalism schools in the country. So, a professor didn’t want the photographer to help get the story out on a group of protesters? Why protest if you don’t want anyone to see it? Doesn’t that hinder the entire operation? If I want my words to be heard and actions to reach people, I pull that photographer closer and have him take 100 pictures. Are these people living in the Stone Age or just plain stupid? I am guessing the latter.

The professor needs to go because she made a horrible mistake in supporting this aggressive blockade of an innocent kid doing his job. I hope the kid sues those people because contact was made. He wasn’t even pushing to get closer. He was trying to take pictures of an event and cover it. This doesn’t come out in any possible way looking good for Mizzou or its students.

There’s a conversation to be had about racial comments and it may never be resolved. There should be no argument about the first amendment.

That was a Monday. Other lessons learned:

  • Alex Reyes did weed. Again. Small crime or big crime, here’s the facts. The players association agreed that marijuana is against the rules. Reyes did it twice. Now the 21 year old misses 50 games. He is a moron. If eating cake is against the rules and you know that and do it twice, that makes you dumb or highly irresponsible.
  • Jose Reyes beat his wife. His career is going down the drain so he starts slugging his wife instead of the baseball. It’s not a good idea having Floyd Mayweather Jr. as your role model.
  • Former Atlanta Braves phenom Tommy Hanson died from catastrophic organ failure. Not fair. Terribly sad. He was 29.
  • The Rams signed former Patriots/Broncos receiver Wes Welker. I like this low risk move. He’s 34 and concussion prone, but the guy is a legit wide receiver who still has some gas left. Anything to help this weak receiving core.
  • Chris Pronger, one of the best Blues D-man ever, went into the Hall of Fame Monday night.

Thanks for reading.