According to Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred, there will certainly be baseball this season. “Unequivocal” was the word used.
But also, according to Robert, there may not be baseball this season.
It’s not a good sign when the league spokesperson and the guy who makes the rules sounds like he knows as much about the possibility of a 2020 season as my eight-year-old son does. He’s clueless, uninformed, and could very well be a human puppet these days. Every day involves a different prediction. He’s like a weatherman who is looking at last year’s graphs and charts to predict this week’s weather.
Speaking of that, I sat back and thought about ten other jobs Manfred should consider if this commissioner thing doesn’t work out. Several other jobs consist of constant lies, deception, and arrogance. Manfred could fit in somewhere else, because he’s making Bud Selig look great right now by comparison. Here’s the ten I came up with.
10) Playing a bad meteorologist in a movie
Let’s be honest. Manfred could totally stand in front of a green screen with a clicker and crank out temperature predictions and give you about the roads. He’d be the kind of person who would utter in one unbroken sentence, “it could easily rain tonight but then again it might not.” He could easily do it in a poorly produced movie. You’d want to hit him with a frying pan and then hand him back the clicker for tomorrow. He’d be better because people assume the worst about the weather. The chances of him stinking less would be above 60%.
9) Walmart greeter
Manfred couldn’t mess this up. He might say the wrong thing at times, but mustering a standard “hello, welcome to Walmart” couldn’t be too much of a struggle. Right?
8) Pro Bono lawyer
Let’s face it. He could take any case, serve the jury and judge some unfit monologue that probably sounded informed, and wouldn’t help a thing. Hand him all the “it doesn’t really matter” cases and see where it goes. He couldn’t do much worse than some real ones.
7) Fast food restaurant manager
I can see it now. Manfred letting his staff run all over him. Asking the customer in line if he or she would mind a burger split in half instead of a whole burger, or if he could give them the same amount of French fries for a small but place it in two different cartons. Manfred would still figure it out faster than regulating a league’s next move.
6) Personal trainer
This isn’t an easy job by any means. Taking the out of shape random person and getting them to inject more discipline into their lives. But Manfred could handle a few clients. He looks like a fit enough guy. I could see him wearing the too-tight trainer shirt and watching someone’s form while he toyed with his IPhone. He couldn’t mess them up, at least through the free session.
5) IKEA department manager
When it comes to putting fragile, less-than-stellar furniture together that supposedly looks good from far away, Manfred would be a master.
4) Michael Bay’s film editor
This is an easy position. Maybe one that doesn’t even really exist. Whatever Bay shoots, take 98% of it and keep it in the movie. Stay away from subtle overtones in your plot and just blow everything up. Keep all the slow motion action shots and bad dialogue about the galaxy, end of mankind, and quirky robots.
3) Landscaping crew manager
Let’s face it. This would be a simple lawn mowing crew. Cut and trim the grass. Get the hose out and spray it all down. The same activity, performed over and over again. I don’t think he can mess this up.
2) Data Entry
Find items on a list. Log it in. Hit enter. Repeat. Seems easy enough.
1) Ice Cream Taster
Type “easiest jobs” into Google and this is the job title at the top of the list. Take ice cream, give it a taste, and then tell someone what you thought. Who knows? Maybe he’ll thrive.
Manfred has one job here. Get the best and safest version of the game back on the field. Return the game to the people. If the owners are treating him like a puppet, then he needs to be replaced quickly. Major League Baseball needs someone with a steel backbone going into next year and the Collective Bargaining Agreement discussions that will follow.
Right now, he’s feeding the public the worst kind of information: misinformation. Baseball fans deserve someone better looking out for the sanctity of their game. Manfred doesn’t seem to be up to the task anymore, but I don’t think he ever was.
I think he needs a new job. I started his job search for him. I’m nice like that.
Thanks for reading,