Here’s What I Know, Volume #19: Where you can find the best fast food breakfast sandwich (among other things)

Welcome to the latest round of Here’s What I Know. Around a thousand words of rambling nonsense best saved for a quiet walk at night. It’s been a few weeks or months since the last H.W.I.K. dispatch, so bear with me and settle in for all the shit that can’t print over at KSDK. It’s like taking my hockey language from St. Louis Game Time and handling normal everyday topics. An expanded version of South City Confessions, where I usually stick to one topic.

Tonight, I am taking aim at several things, beginning with this coronavirus and ending somewhere around the misery of having to mow my lawn again. Let’s get started so pour the drinks.

People from around here carry the possibility of not being too bright. For the most part, the people who stuff the United States of America full aren’t that bright on the whole. You can’t teach them how to handle a four way stop or kick them out of the country, especially these days where no one wants them to fly.

Today, I saw a hoard of people walking around the park. I am talking about packs of 6-10 people, followed by another smaller pack of 4-6 people. Cut that shit out people. As Doctor Strange said, we are in the fucking endgame … or we sure are close. There’s no time to have a playdate at the park with shiny and smiley Bethany and her twins. Nope. Cancelled! If you are running, like myself 3-4 times a week, separate and break off into different patterns. If you are walking, speed it up. If you are just out and about because your girlfriend said it would be a good idea, go home. Watch the stupid show instead.

I went to my dad’s last night, but that was three people (including my mom) in one big house. We were alright. I didn’t tell my dad that we should go hang out with my Uncle Curt and cousin Chad. That would be dumb. I try not to be every day and it’s still hard work without the virus rendition.

Stay home if you can. Work and making money are non-negotiable, but outside of a SMALL getaway inside a house, stay home. Read, watch Netflix, find all the hidden carbs around the house, or just sit there and meditate. Touch the index to the thumb and blast off into another realm of the subconscious.

What else?

Tom Brady is a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. Who hit the wrong button? You’ve got to be kidding me. What happened to one player staying with a team for his entire career? Peyton Manning didn’t and good old Joe Montana didn’t. It’ll be weird seeing Brady, love or hate the guy, tossing pigskins around without blue on his chest. Not as bad as Willie Mays striking out as a Met, but close if Brady continues to break down. I would have kept him around for one more season if I were New England.

Maybe Brady was bored with the pandemic and wanted to shake it up. I don’t know. The NFL is a comedy these days. Cam Newton won’t play for the Carolina Panthers for the first time in his career when the fog lifts this summer/fall. He was released due to a large cap hit that would have struck this week. He was in a Super Bowl less than five years ago, but now he’s jobless.

Todd Gurley was released by St. Louis due to the same issue that Carolina had with Newton: a salary bonus that was set to kick in. The Los Angeles “I’m never winning a Super Bowl in LA” Rams said no thanks, Todd. With the arthritis settling into his body and the wrong age starting to approach, Stan said nope. He will suit up for Atlanta next season. It’s weird out there, friends.

Things aren’t going according to plan. The script has been rewritten and will be each and every day. As my good friend Carly said, the wheel of life has stopped turning. Things are breaking down and some areas are folding up. What else??

Movies keep getting delayed. Every week, there’s a new casualty. This time, “Wonder Woman: 1984” moved back two months from June to August. Wise move. As much as they were holding that serve on June 4, I think the right move was to go back a little. Don’t go for streaming or come out too soon. Wait and get the money and respect Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot deserve.

Prepare for a summer without big movies. Possibly a summer without moderately sized movies. Once again, this is all a giant defect in the system with no end in sight. You gotta kill the hacker first.

A bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit and one hash brown order from McDonald’s is still the best early morning hangover food. I’m talking fast food variety. Forget the cold pizza or White Castles. McD’s does plenty of things wrong, but along with the French fries they have a breakfast sandwich that legit looks like the picture on the menu. The bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. That’s it.

If I’m being honest, White Castles is what I had last night during my drinking binge. Right after beer #4 and Kentucky Mule #2, it was halftime for my stomach. At 5am, it was B&E with a C on another B time.

Now, if you can go into a place and want the best bang for buck, Courtesy Diner and Uncle Bill’s have you taken care of. At the former, you get the patty melt on marble rye with fries and a coffee for just $7.25. At the latter, it’s the country fried steak sandwich with pancakes. If that doesn’t mop up the nasty alcohol feeling, nothing will.

What else? Let’s commence the final round of ammo with some shorter opinions below.

~I’d like MLB to play at least 100 games this season. If not, scrap it all together. 100-120 is golden. Less than 81 is not.

~Shopping in a grocery store should come with a Mad Max costume. Everybody is packed together like sardines trying to grab the last loaf of bread. This is only the beginning of the horror film.

~Sunsets are still sexy in South City. I got pictures to back it up.

~My favorite meal to cook these days is seared Atlantic salmon with Italian breadcrumb-sprinkled asparagus and either rice or fried potatoes.

~The Tiger documentary on Netflix is bizarre, but nothing from the human species surprises me these days.

Thanks for reading.


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