I miss the guy.
In case you are living under a rock down on the edge of Soulard, you know baseball is coming soon. The offseason chill is starting to thaw ever so slowly, leading into another round of summer-long chaos. The undeniable treacherous terrain of Cardinal baseball is upon us, like a storm smiling at us as it approaches. 2020 is as much a mystery as a certainty. The ending is unknown.
Will they win it all?
Can they at least win something?
Why didn’t they get him?
What happened to the season?
Lather, rinse, repeat.
But people like @cardinalsgifs, known throughout the rest of this post as COG-aka Cardinal Original Gangster, make that chaos better. A lot better, actually.
For those of you under that rock next to Molly’s, he’s the Twitter GIF maestro. Remember those cool moving image short vids that are labeled “GIF” and located under your tweet tab? He took that concept and made it famous in the St. Louis Cardinal sector of Jack’s Twitter. It’s Jack fault we are doomed to this realm of human interaction, but people like COG make it a grand time.
Whether it’s taking a few seconds of Carlos Martinez stiffen the knees of a hitter with his pitch or Jack Flaherty looking up into the sky after a strikeout, COG makes it look sexier than baseball would usually allow. He can take any moment in the game, memorable home runs or postgame mound hug-outs, into a GIF. Others try to do it, but no one does it like the COG. You may know him as the face behind the myth that states Tony Soprano could have worn a Cardinal hat. You can’t say you don’t know him.
That’s not even the half of it. He would eventually create Birds on the Black, a highly successful Cardinal baseball-themed website that presented challenging yet fulfilling pitching analysis, wicked cool game recaps, the potent minor league analysis that fans deserve, and everything in between. If you wanted it, BOTB had it. That was the COG.
But then the website stepped outside the box, starting campaigns. Former BOTB writer, Joe Schwarz-aka @stlCupofJoe, teamed up with the website to raise money for Martinez’s charity organization, Tsunami. The entire team raised money for Miles Mikolas’ sex trafficking charity this past year. There have been more and will be more this coming season, I am sure. That was the COG.
He does all the little things baseball fans crave, and all the golden gems that the real diehard gamers adore. As Schwarz would attest, he makes “pitch tunneling” easier to understand. The imagery is obtains with what we all see and acknowledge is otherworldly. A true stellar practice that never ceases to amaze. Just look at the pinned tweet at the top of his Twitter profile. Those are the lockscreens that the COG makes throughout the year. He even makes your phones sexier.
Let’s put it this way. He’s the BLT when the bacon is just the right amount of crispy. He’s the gooey butter cake fresh out of the oven. He’s the toasted ravioli that’s not burnt and overcooked with just a little crunch. He’s the corner piece of an IMO’s cheese pizza. He’s a Tucker’s steak that’s not too well. He’s the perfect Ted Drewes concrete. He’s the Syberg’s chicken wing that’s not too saturated in the sauce. He’s the perfect latte from Starbucks. The COG is the 71 degree day at Busch Stadium for a match-up between the Cards and Cubs with low humidity. He’s city road without a single pothole. He’s a St. Louis highway without road construction. He’s Manchester Road without the rage. He’s the trusted dive bar that you need after a bad day. He’s a brownie without the overcooked center. The COG is the perfect Gus’ Pretzel. He’s the personification of fajitas on an August night.
I won’t apologize for the rambling here. That’s what the house of the dose is for. It’s a place where I can walk into and use to salute a true social media gem like The COG, @cardinalsgifs. It’s lower case because he doesn’t need that extra large word to tell you how big his heart is for Cardinal Nation. It’s a known fact.
He hasn’t been around in a couple weeks. It could be a winter hiberation or break, but I hope he returns soon. At the end of the day (tribute letter from Mozeliak), he’s the binding element of Cardinals twitter. When things get ugly, you’ll know this guy will do the right thing. We saw it in a recent controversy how quick he handles difficult things.
In truth, The COG is the best of us. Tweet at him on Twitter or send him a direct message. Let him know how much is loved and missed.
It’s not the same without him.
*Photo, of course, by @cardinalgifs.