South City Confessions: Domestic abuse is one of the world’s biggest problems

Honest confession: I can’t fucking stand hearing about, seeing, or knowing that a man put his hands on a woman in an abusive way. If you want me to get violent, just try and get violent with a woman.

There are many forms of domestic violence, but physical abuse is something that instantly makes my blood boil. Whether this comes down on an adult or child matters little, because it’s all the same to me.

I was raised to be a good person and even better man. Hitting a woman for any reason is outlawed in my book, and I don’t care what kind of childhood you had. If it’s a Southern stack of country garbage telling me his daddy governed this way and that’s an excuse, it’s still weak and punishable by an ass-whopping.

When a friend tweeted out a picture late Saturday night of him and a pretty and earnest looking woman, I didn’t think much of it…until I read the text. Andrew Marks, a great Twitter follow, was raising awareness for domestic abuse by tweeting out the picture of his late friend, who he called Raven. She was the victim of domestic abuse and died last week.

Without knowing her or a single thing about her, I can tell you Raven didn’t want to die in 2018. She had a whole life ahead of her and one that should have been marked with happiness and joy. The smile tells you all that you need to know, because it covers up the darkness she was running away from.

Domestic abuse is terrible for a simple reason: the woman felt safe and in the loving car of a person she thought would make her happy…only to find out the opposite. It’s unfortunate, because in many cases, the victim was warned about the violent offender, told to leave, and decided not to.

A family of mine, a woman I love dearly, was the victim of domestic violence. The minute I heard about it, I fell into a vendetta kind of mood. I wanted to hurt that guy in a number of ways. This isn’t the right or civil reaction, but it’s the human response to a deadly reality.

Men and women are abused in relationships every day, and many don’t escape the grips of their offender-but the reality is the majority of physically violent offenders are male, and the victims are female. They never get away, and reach out for help. All of this happens with a very clear avenue of rescue.

It starts with family and friends, but can also extend outside of those bounds. Andrew included the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, which is 1-800-799-SAFE. The phone line is 24/7/365, and carries zero limitations. If you feel like abuse or worse is coming your way and there isn’t an easy way out, call the damn number. Do it from a friend’s house.

The world hates domestic abusers, but still needs help finding them and putting them in the right place, which is jail.

While violence for violence, an eye for an eye so to speak, sounds good and will bring short-term respite, it’s not the right reaction. The best move is reporting and eventual arrest. This world needs to be a little less violent, and stopping domestic abuse is a good start.

I don’t know how to wrap this up, so I will just say this: be better today. Help someone, don’t judge immediately, and be open to everything. A little goes a long way in the fight for humility.

Thanks for reading,

DLB

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