Once again, it’s time to shed some light on a few things. I’ll forgo the usual opening monologue and simply tell you there are certain events and ideas that need to be explained and visited. A quick stream of conciousness on a rather lazy Tuesday. The rambling begins.
Swingers gets released on Blu Ray today. Ladies and gents, if you need a killer comedy that runs 90 minutes at the pace of a tommy gun clip and is rewatchable and inventively fresh, go buy this movie. Jon Faveau wrote and starred in this bro pack guide to picking up chicks and looking cool doing it. However, the steal of the movie of watching Vince Vaughn work at an early age. In his first big role, Vaughn plays the proud shark Trent, who instructs Mike(Favs) on how to pick up women. From LA to Vegas and back to LA, its the Vince Vaughn show. Wonderfully vulgar and obscene, a born ranter, Trent tells Mike how “the beautiful babies” need to be caught. It’s a comic masterpiece and worth adding to a collection. If my words don’t convince, here is EW critic Owen Gleiberman on Vince Vaughn in Swingers, released November 1st, 2006.
“If Swingers has a scene-stealer, though, it’s Vince Vaughn, who, I predict, is going to be a very big star. Spooky-cool sexy, like the young Christopher Walken, he makes Trent a rudely magnetic arrested-development case — the spirit of the peacock in all its fearless vanity. Trent likes to call everyone ”baby,” but in the marvelous final scene, we realize that the joke is on him, the biggest baby of all.”
Rams Middle Linebacker/Defensive Captain James Lauranitis is more than motivated. According to a source, he keeps a picture of the Seattle Seahawks celebrating after last year’s tiebreaker win. If the Rams had 53 Lauranitis beast attitudes on this team, we would reach the Super Bowl.
Barack Obama isn’t getting re-elected folks. End of story. There is zero credibility in the White House and not a trace of consistency to be seen. We will see our third President in the past 10 years and it may be a lady. Fear not, I am not talking about Sarah Palin, the retarded distant cousin of George W. Bush. I am talking about some shedevil out there capable of running this show that so many men have struggled to do. Yes, I just said that. The White House needs a little diversity and I am not talking about an old wooden ship my friends. First class lady power.
Here’s an idea for New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg, who supposedly isn’t inviting the firefighters who saved lives on 9/11, to the 10 year memorial. Someone is needs to set Bloomberg’s mansion on fire, and lock the doors. Every room is going to go up in flames. As the air is sucked out of the house and Mike stumbles down the stairs, he will think about ending it all and jumping out the window, or he will run down his staircase as fast as he can. A fear of dying will take over him. Shock moves in. What is needed there? Firefighters. Low paid go for broke heroes whose job it is to run into burning buildings and find human life and pull it out. Right when he needs a group of heroes, Bloomberg will be lost. Get on the phone Mike and save a seat for every firefighter, first responder and police officer who took the call and went to a war zone that day. They didn’t have a choice. It was their job to join the party. If not Bloomy, find out who and get it done. Failing to invite the firefighters who served that day would be like not inviting a player to his hall of fame induction. 343 firefighters died that day. How many more came up with cancer or a disease related to the aftereffects of that day? Cleaning up the rubble, looking for dead bodies, sucking in tons of black smoke into fragile lungs for months. That wasn’t another day at the office. How many firefighters are still breathing but slowly dying from 9/11 trauma? Mike, mayor of the city, pull a Rudy and get this done. Or else, the gasoline is being lit soon. Don’t worry, they say when shock takes over, you can’t even smell the rotting flesh below. Am I serious? As serious as a five alarm fire.
The Kings of Leon Documentary on Showtime is intriguing because there is a juicy demon story going on here behind the scenes of success. All great music is built around the a wall of inner turmoil. Every great musician or group carries a story and this one is worth telling. Long before they became rock gods, Caleb Followill and his brothers lived under a roof where rock music was considered “the devils music”. Their parents were preachers and swore off the loud tunes that slowly creeped into their household. Caleb and his clan chose a way of life their parents didn’t approve of and while it has brought them massive success in the past 3 years, turmoil and disruptions have taken place. Last year in St. Louis, the band exited the stage at Verizon Wireless due to pigeon shit. Last month, Caleb, the lead singer, had to leave the stage due to “dehydration” otherwise known among music circles as “drinking heavily before playing in 100 degree heat”. After the incident, the band cancelled the rest of the summer tour dates and is on hiatus while bassist Jared Followill pleads to people, “this is much more than a person failing to drink enough Gatorade”. Fame hits people in a variety of ways and the Kings of Leon are dealing with their fair share of inner demons. All this makes for great television. A story worth telling. Growing up in a music be damned household, releasing 3 semi punk albums before exploding with your 4th album, the brilliant Only By The Night, which launches you into rock god status. Last year’s album, Come Around Sundown, continued the dominance and killed off any doubt about this band’s staying power. However, with popularity comes traps. This Friday on Showtime, find out what the Kings of Leon are truly about.
Tony La Russa is eroding Cardinals fans. He singlehandedly robbed the Cardinals of a win Monday night when he took Chris Carpenter away from a gem. Carpenter mowed the Dodgers down for 8 innings, throwing 99 pitches(80 percent strikes), striking out 7, walking 1 and looking as electric as he has all season. Carp looked like a mad general on the mound. After hitting Juan Riveria to lead off the 9th, La Russa found it in his will to remove Carp and invite the enigmatic Cards bullpen to seal the deal. Three pitchers later, the Cards lost their lead and the game. The end is nearing for La Russa, whose moves are only getting worse with each game. The problem is Carpenter seemed sharper than ever when pulled and deserved the chance to seal it. Instead, La Russa installed his favorite tactic(bullpen tango) and lost the game. Fernando Salas fell deeper into his thankless closer role, blowing his 5th game of the season and 2nd absolute heartbreaker in a week. After Carp reaches 100 pitches in the past 3 months, he turns electric. After 100 pitches, Carpenter only gets stronger. He deserved the chance to finish the game and La Russa, in a move symbolic of the 2011 season, took it away from him and let the Cards drop the ball.
Fernando Salas isn’t a closer. He never was a closer. He doesn’t have the stuff to be a closer. The electric pitch selection to overwhelm hitters. He is a solid reliever in need of reassignment. If he stays in the 9th inning, he will continue to struggle. His pitches are becoming more hittable with each appearance. Get him out of there. Pull out the parachute and throw this guy of the plane. Salas is paying the price of not only lacking the stuff to get hitters out in the ninth but an overloaded innings count for the season. Salas didn’t start the season as the closer and is often used by La Russa in non save spots. Thus, he is worn out and will only get worse as the season wears on.
Give Jason Motte another shot in the closer role. Look, what do the Cards have to lose here? More games. Motte has been the best reliever in 2011 and deserves a shot. Unlike Salas, he has a legit out pitch. A 98 mph flamer. His improved location makes him deadly to hitters. Salas isn’t the option, so why give Motte the ball and let him run with it. He has the makeup, pitch selection and steel balls set to attack hitters. Do it! I’d rather die on Motte’s heater than Salas soft cutter or misplaced changeup. Sure, Motte may implode in his second chance, but it will be nothing new for this miserable season. There is a certain prototype required in a closer. The man who comes out from behind the right field wall in the 9th inning has to be a mad man. It’s almost like seeing an animal released from a cage and let loose on another team. A brief look at a monster. Looking at Jason Motte, I see that breed of animal. To go along with his natural gas powered fastball, Motte looks unsettling on the mound. He scares kids, causes parents to turn away and intrigues a pure baseball fan with his mound demeanor. Along with being unable to stand still, Motte rubs his beard, shakes his head and wiggles around like a man with an itch to scratch. It’s only when the inning is over and the job is done that Motte’s high strung shoulders relax a little. Until he gets out of a jam, he can’t stop. That is a closer mold and a good reason Motte deserves a shot. The inherited runner he allowed in last night’s game was the first in his last 10 appearances. He hasn’t allowed an earned run since June 23rd. He is a lights out gaser with control. Give him a shot, Tony. Let him loose! This season can’t get any worse and you have already blown 23 games. Jason Motte may not be your answer at the closer position, but he sure looks like the best candidate on this roster to get a shot at the 9th inning. Make it work La Russa. This move is genius proof!
A Moth attack can be added to Matt Holliday’s list of injuries in 2011. An emergency appendectomy, quad strain, back strain, and now a moth attack. During the 8th inning, a large moth got stuck in Holliday’s right ear and had to be extracted. That’s just tough. Listen, the minute I heard Holliday was coming out of the game, I wanted to call the guy a pussy. However, I know better than that. Holliday is a tough bastard, hates sitting and wouldn’t come out for nothing. An ear injury didn’t sound threatening enough to me to put my tough guy love at ease. Then I heard about moths. Giant moths getting stuck inside ear drums, one of the most fragile places on a person’s body. That is when I learned a whole new respect for Holliday and his tortureous season. An extremely durable player his entire career, 2011 hasn’t been kind to Holliday. According to Derrick Goold’s blog, with two outs in the 8th inning Monday night, Matt Holliday started to trot in from left field as Carpenter pitched to the plate. Apparently, a giant moth flew into Holliday’s ear, flickered and wiggled around inside his ear canal and caused extreme discomfort. Just the thought of something in my ear makes me thinking about breaking a table. Imagine something stuck in your throat that you can’t get to. When it was all said and done, a trainer used a pair of tweezers to pull out the moth, and Holliday kept it in a bag in his locker as a painful memory. Now that’s a story to attach to a downer of a game.
Things don’t get any easier for the Cards tonight. They face one of the best lefties in the game in Clayton Kershaw, who is 15-5 with a 2.60 ERA. Kershaw is one of the 3 teams to beat the Brewers in the past month and is a shutdown arm. After blowing a game last night in painful fashion, the Cards are set up to lose the series tonight against Kershaw. Blown saves are always compounded into a losing streak. Beware the southpaw tonight. Expect a righthanded heavy lineup. Theriot in for Skip. Craig in for Jay. Berkman switched around. The works.
Earthquakes strike the East Coast, dropping a 5.8 magnitude quake on Virginia and New York after hitting Indonesia yesterday. While I laugh at green freaks and warn off global warming, earthquakes are a legitimate fear in this world. Missouri has experienced a few in the past couple years, laying down the likely fact that worse quakes are coming. In the same category as tornadoes and tsunami’s, earthquakes are quick killers and weapons of mass destruction. Show me a natural disaster and I cry uncle. There is nothing you can do to prepare for one of these earthquakes. No warnings, watches or news updates. Suddenly, the ground beneath you starts to give. Think about the people in Japan who suddenly saw their world get shattered by a beast that couldn’t be taken down. You are defenseless to a natural disaster with an agenda. It is something that will truly be the end of this world. Global warming…maybe. Multiple earthquakes followed by tornadoes and a tsunami. The end.
- David Letterman laughs off a death threat from a terrorist. Boy, do the kids like to run around and play inside NYC. Luckily, Letterman crafted the incident into loads of jokes in last night’s show. I am sure Jihad terrorists aren’t worried about a talk show host, and if they are, it’s definitely Jay Leno, as Dave pointed out.
- Lady Gaga drops in on The Simpsons for voice work. This is right up Gaga’s alley. She is quite honestly the most fearless woman working in music right now and that’s why I like her. Trust me, her work on the Simpsons doesn’t garner much courage, but her overall choices do. She is the kind of celeb who probably gets dared to do things by her staff and she does them just because she feels like being different. You won’t find her albums in my house or hear me praising all of her music, but I admire a fresh burst of talent on the music scene. In a struggling age of music sales, Gaga’s albums are holding up. That’s worth a mention. Here’s to Gaga killing on the Simpsons.
- January Jones is called unapproachable by her adolescent co-star on Mad Men. More funny news. The fact that Jones is being called a frosty bitch isn’t surprising here. Have you see her act? It’s a completely icy situation. She doesn’t take her craft seriously. She is simply trying very hard to act and it’s not working out so well. The only going for her is her looks, which are only good if you like dull looking blondes. She is the supposedly catch on Mad Men, but to me she is miles apart from the wonderfully sexy and talented Christina Hendricks. That redheaded goddess tromps Jones when it comes to overall beauty and sophistication. Line them up and you tell me.
- Finding the right woman can change a man’s life. Especially, if you are a fading Hollywood star. Since Ben Affleck finally asked Jennifer Garner out, the man has put out some of his best work, including two knockout directing efforts in Gone, Baby, Gone and The Town. The Fleck has also put in good supporting roles in Hollywoodland(playing George Reeves), The Company Men, The Town, State of Play, and Smokin Aces. After the turmoil that Jennifer Lopez brought him and when his career was hitting rock bottom, Affleck went away and adapted Gone, Baby, Gone and took a couple supporting turns. Now he is back on top, taking multiple directing gigs, commanding 50 million budgets from Warner Bros. with his face on the poster as well. Once he met Garner, things went up. Another reason why Garner is a good fit for The Fleck. You see that lady at Red Sox games? She is a crazy baseball fan. That’s good for the whole party. Today, the couple announced they were having a third kid. Since I am expecting soon, I like this news and the fact that a woman helped turned Ben Affleck’s career around. Through shit and slime to shine my friend.
- While TowerBrook Corporation, the investors behind Dave Checketts, ponder the multiple bids presented yesterday to buy the St. Louis Blues, you have to remember the biggest potential gain in a sale of the team. Stability. One of the bidders, minority owner Tom Stillman, supposedly made a second bid of 110 million, which is enough to buy out Towerbrook’s portion of the ownership while keeping Checketts in the fold. However, that offer isn’t likely to be taken. That’s the fight here. Get Towerbrook out of the house and create a new system of hope and revenue that can fuel this team in the future. With ownership in the air, stability is lost. This is something you want to take care of before the season starts in October.
- On Thursday, I get to see my kid again via the ultrasound. For the first time in 4 months, I get a look at Vincent. A reason for the ultrasound is to see what position he is in so a proposed date for the delivery can be assessed. For now, I’m excited to see my kid one on one again. The countdown is getting shorter and shorter.
With that final note, my work here is done. There’s no more explaining to do and for the moment, my head is clear. I probably forgot something but that will be saved for further examination and for a future blog. For now, I am dropping the curtain here on this latest blast of opinion.
Thanks for reading and goodnight,