Hello. As you attempt to disrobe from the sticky ugly smelly disgusting outfit you wore outside in the Sahara of the Midwest today, I’ll open things up with a few groups of people who shouldn’t be eliminated from life but need an ass kicking.
Let’s run down a list of things that boggle the fucking mind. The things no one wants to mention or uncoil over because feelings will be hurt or apologies will be in order. In other words, things movie stars can’t say on social media without getting a phone call from their publicist.
In no coherent listing or order….
People on Twitter who complain about sub-tweets. Let me catch you up cavemen types who don’t use the social networking platform that I’ve built a career on top of. Sub-tweeting happens when someone gets into an argument with someone directly on Twitter and afterwards they complain to the rest of their following without mentioning said person. Guess what? We all fucking do this. Every day. We do it in real life. Away from computers. Rarely do people tell someone how they really feel. They will wait and complain to others. Stop complaining about, you hypocritical asswipe.
A word about people at the gym who wear spandex. Rethink it. I know it’s the place where you can be yourself and let your peacock fly but stop it. No one needs to see that. Until you carve the body you need to wear those clothes, leave the spandex at home. In fact, burn that shit with the 1980’s concert t-shirts you still have. Def Leppard will understand. I don’t wear skin tight clothing and I’m in good shape. It doesn’t look good. When you try to dance, your stomach contorts in a way that produces groans. Do that shit at home. Just advice.
The parental advice crowd. This is always humorous coming from people who don’t have kids. Do the world a favor and never give other parents advice about their kids. Their world is a different place than your own so stop it. 99 % of people who give advice need a lot of it themselves. They want to come back at them and help them so it’s their indirect way of starting the conversation. When someone you don’t know, trust or like attempts to give you advice, stop them. Give them the good fortune of thinking about their own life than others. Or politely request for them to fuck off. Either way. The latter is less characters if it is a text.
The people who want you to donate 65 hours of time to their TV show of choice but won’t watch the one you recommend. First, watch whatever TV shows you like but understand one thing. When I tell you to watch a TV show, I’ve watched it twice and know you’ll like it. I don’t just recommend anything. I don’t recommend bullshit. I want you to watch something that is different. However, please watch whatever you want. There’s nothing worse than someone telling me to watch The Walking Dead over and over. I tell them, “Watch Kingdom on Audience” and it’s a deal. They are then puzzled and leave the conversation. I asked them to watch less than 30 episodes of something but they want me to watch over 65 episodes of a zombie show. Forget it. Two way street.
Hey LA Rams owners, associates, and share holders trashing St. Louis five months after taking a football team from my city. Understand this. You won’t win a Super Bowl for years. I am talking 5-10 at least. You won’t catch lightning in a bottle like St. Louis did in 1999-2004. Forget it. There’s dipshits that still smack St. Louis even though they will play football games in 2-3 years in front of a half full stadium. What a crock of shit. STL didn’t shit on LA in 1995 when they got the Rams. It goes to show you how some people on this earth deserve to have a nasty shit filled diaper rubbed across their dry face.
A word about people who disrespect single parents. What the fuck do you know? Single parents are the true heroes of this world. Sometimes life dishes you a bad hand and things must be dealt with. Life keeps going on while bad things occur. The good people who just want to raise their kids are fucking warriors. The people who slight them or deny them respect can eat a good old toasted six inch sub full of excrement. Yeah, it happens so don’t ask who unless you have 45 fingers.
Well, that’s enough of that.
Here’s what I know this week. Sometimes, you just need to go to sleep. Nothing worth happening will go down that can’t be recapped when you wake up. Sleep is underrated.
Call your fucking parents. If you have one left, call him or her. If you have two and hold a grudge, call them. If you they don’t care about you, then call the one friend who resembles family.
Speaking of friends, don’t hold it against them if they don’t text or call for a few weeks or month. Life happens. A lot. There are times where 24 hour sets sprint by someone and they don’t think about their friends. It’s not always personal. It’s just part of the hustle. I have good friends I don’t speak with for weeks and then we do and it’s like no time has passed. Good friends aren’t people who constantly stay in contact; They are the ones who will be there when you need them.
Life is a challenging, damaging, and ultimately rewarding test of endurance. A true experience. As the Big Austrian once said, stick around. Next week, my family is once again making a bold choice for the greater good and it’s not going to be easy. You’ll find that few things in life are worth chasing down that don’t involve a little hardship.
The dark and funny thing about life is that when you least expect it, something you love dearly will be gone. Whether it’s a friend you know that loses someone or an old friend of yours who passes, it’s a gut punch.
One good pint of beer is better than three okay pints.
One good shot of whiskey is better than three fingers of watered down whiskey.
A good cup of coffee can not be beat.
I love what I do and I’m only getting started.
Thanks for reading and so long for just a little bit.
Dose of Buffa 