Here’s What I Know, Volume #12: Soccer, NFL-less, and Harvey filth

Live from Courtesy Diner on Kingshighway after a seven hour Uber shift, let’s talk.

~How about that USA soccer team? 

Disclaimer: I care as much about soccer as I do the safe passage of decaf coffee towards my table. Fine sport and all, but there’s only so much time in the world to play with, and soccer just doesn’t do it for me. Perhaps a few garbage fires on the field would help. However, the most casual fan in the world can’t avoid the heartbreak and letdown that occurred Tuesday night when the soccer team failed to qualify for the World Cup. In losing to a team nobody has heard of, the country was embarrassed on a large stage. I drove someone home from a bar that simply couldn’t understand how the country couldn’t find 11 worthy players to win a single game. So much for that.

I woke up today feeling the same way about the team as I did yesterday. Is Landon Donovan still playing?

~What’s happening in the NFL?

I am asking because I clearly have no idea, nor do I want to. I hear the New York Giants are in trouble and the Dallas Cowboys are losing. The Green Bay Packers are winning, but the Patriots aren’t perfect. I really don’t care. 2017 marks the first time I haven’t watched at least a full quarter of football. And I have no regrets about missing the action. It’s an absolutely selfish sport, where the Commissioner clearly has no regard for the players or the fans. Without fantasy football, the sport would be half as relevant. Players are leaving the sport every month. Parents aren’t letting their kids play.

Why? Check out this scenario. “Hey son, you can grow up playing a sport for your entire life, possibly make a little money but probably not, and end up with a deadly brain disease from it for which the NFL will do nothing about.” Think about it.

It is true that Roger Goodell and Jerry Jones gave Stan Kroenke the leash to jam a fleshy tubesnake up the ass of my city and take the Rams from St. Louis-and in a horrible way. But that’s not the real reason I don’t watch the NFL. I just feel nothing for the sport. It gives nothing back and is the biggest hypocrite of all sporting events. Fuck it. Continue reading “Here’s What I Know, Volume #12: Soccer, NFL-less, and Harvey filth”

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Here’s What I Know, Volume 7: The end of Chucky Cheese, Unbreakable 2, Kingdom BS, and Big Mac hate 

Chucky Cheese needs to die. With no offense to the poor fellow who roams around in that fucking suit, the establishment is an absolute shit hole. Imagine a place where the bottom of the human species barrel hangs out, and then think lower. 

Hold on. Fuck the guy who wears the suit; the asshat was outside Vin’s school, and for the last four days, the kid has been dying to go there. Every day, it’s the same mantra: when are we going to Chucky Cheese? I’d rather spend one hour explaining hockey to Donald Trump. Anyway…we went Saturday night. 

An hour into the CC Hell Dive, I see a little girl wandering around the gaming area. I assume her mother is coming back. I wait. And wait some more. No one comes around, so I ask a worker. He tells me that the invisible code stamped on our hand doesn’t allow a party to leave separately. Thanks, but kidnappers will find a way. 

10 minutes later, a woman comes and grabs the little girl, and walks back to a birthday party. While I don’t hit women, I felt like paying a woman to deck her. 

You see, I’m an overprotective parent. There’s enough nasty things happening in the world that I will skimp on every area of my life, but parenting. I’m a fucking secret service agent every time Vin and I travel outside the house. He doesn’t leave my sight. 

There’s only been 219 kids that have disappeared from the St. Louis city area since 2010. No thanks. Be better, mysterious woman who was busy eating shitty pizza and forgot where her kid was. 

*I don’t mind a good rainstorm, but St. Louis has been pissed on for four straight days. The past 48 hours have crept towards monsoon territory, and there’s some flash flood warnings. When you go downstairs and see water in the basement, and you know why, it really sucks. Please stop raining. 

The cooler weather can stay though. 

*Baseball is a bastard. Other sports hit you intermediately over the course of a few months. Baseball kicks you in the neck during the first month. 

Example: the Cards started the season with a 3-9 stretch. Doom fell over the audience. Worst start ever! It’s done! Cancel the season! 

Fast forward to today’s rainout, and the Cards have won 9 of 11 for a record of 12-11. I predict a 5-5 future, because this team has no defense and run the bases like a bunch of first graders. Still, it’s important to give the team a little more time. 

My first bird checkup comes near the seven week mark of the season when the Cards welcome the Cubs back to Busch. 

*Why Him is a terrible movie that funny man Keegan-Michael Key somehow makes watchable. Check out the underrated comedy, Keanu. 

*How excited am I about the Unbreakable sequel? The balls are tingling. M. Night didn’t give a shit back then, and set the tone for the Superhero Genre before DC and Marvel started their engines. 

*Love or hate The Fast and Furious films, but there was an actual demand for more films. Nobody wanted another Pirates of The Caribbean adventure. I don’t even think Johnny Depp wanted another one, but who turns down 25 million dollars and top billing. 

*The Blues are proof that a regular season is anything but regular. They were lost in January, and open up action in Game 3 against Nashville this afternoon for a chance to go up 2-1 in an effort to reach the Conference Finals. All it took was a slew of coaching changes, a roster shakeup, and a goalie resurrection. And Jori Lehtera off the top line. Thanks Mike Yeo. And to think people hated bringing you into the fold. Idiots. 

*My son is approaching six years of age. What in the ass happened? He used to be this football sized stomach surgery survivor and now he’s a four foot tall beast with a personality and ambition. Five years ago today, he went to his first baseball game. Now he hands me the remote and loves Adam Wainwright. 

**I don’t need to tell him how bad Adam Wainwright looks on the mound. No need to dampen a kid’s hero by telling him the claws aren’t exactly coming out all the way these days. (hey Beyersdorfer!)

*Nothing is official yet, but I can say there’s a good chance you’ll be hearing me on the radio again soon. After spending the past four weeks off the radio after my departure from 590, I’ve collected my breath and taken the time to find out what it is I want to do. At a certain point in life, you need to develop a niche. I’ve found it. More news to come. 

*I’ll rant a little more about this very soon, but Direct TV and Endemol Studios canceling Frank Grillo’s MMA drama series-Kingdom-after three seasons is absolute bullshit. Why stop something with so much story left to tell? Why shut down a warehouse with more space to fill? As Alvey Kulina would say, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” MMA fan or not, you had to appreciate this show’s drive. Byron Balasco’s masterpiece explored the mind of a fighter better than any film or TV series ever could or will. Grillo was born to play Alvey. It’s extremely rare for an actor to roam so freely and find so much in a character. You should watch it. 

Oh wait, there’s no real way for you to find it. The first season was on ITunes, but isn’t. The first season is on DVD and the second might be. It’s not on Netflix or Hulu. The third and Final season starts in a month. 

Fuck! 

*What would live sporting venues do if they couldn’t sell alcohol? I rarely spend the 9 dollars to sip a watered down beer at Busch or Scottrade, but damn there’s so much beer sold at every event. What if there was none? How popular would sports be?

*Red wine is my new crush. Beer and whiskey just don’t always do it. A bottle of dry red takes the edge right off. 

*I couldn’t care less about the NFL draft or the upcoming season. I was losing interest before the Rams left, but when they departed, my need to watch the sport died on the spot. The league doesn’t care about former players health or current players for that matter, so why give it my time. 

The NBA sucks too. Natural sleep meds. 

*Who is my favorite comic book character? Frank Castle’s Punisher. He’s the original Avenger. 

*I don’t give a shit if Mark McGwire used steroids, and I wouldn’t trade a second of the 1998 season. He made mistakes, but so did hundreds of other baseball players, so why smash one guy because he had success. I don’t expect people to agree with me here, but I take solace in the fact that Mac didn’t lie under oath (looking at you Rafael) and left the game before he was told to leave. When his knee was shot, Mac walked away from a two year deal worth a lot of money. He rescued Cardinal baseball and the sport itself with that miraculous run. I won’t get on my moral horse and crucify him. Let him into the Cards HOF. He’s earned it. 

That’s all I got. I’ve typed all of this by hand on my iPhone, and frankly my hands are tired. 

For all my regular coverage, check out KSDK News and St. Louis Game Time. 

This stream of consciousness is closing up.