A great Twitter thread this weekend featured a very unique and rather blunt question in our modern world:
We all have at least 56 of these. And it’s not like we’re trying to boil the actual person saying it. There are a few combinations of words that just click the red button. Here are my five most annoying phrases.
5) “Appreciate ya”
Okay, first thing, it’s YOU and not YA. Come on, let’s all agree on one form of the English language to spit out of our teeth. Secondly, I understand this is a positive message, but when you’ve lived in the south and have heard it 4570 times in less than two years, it starts to gnaw away at your most friendliest defenses. There was one particular person who used it like a dagger; in other words, she said it like little was actually being appreciated. I grew to hate it. Sorry to all the people who use it frequently. I appreciate you for reading this.
Well, what’s the other fucking choice, buddy boy… NOT honestly?! Again, let’s clean up our way of speaking. I promise more people will talk to you that way. Just have a quick moment with the internal editor before letting that sentence bounce out into the world. “Honestly” is always a way to start a big switch in the conversation, such as but not limited to these phrases:
“Honestly, it’s better that we don’t order the Mexican jalapeno cheese-bean-meat lava dip.”
“Honestly, it’s better that we didn’t have sex last night. Otherwise, I would have needed an ice bath today and our power is already out.
“Honestly, you not showing up was a good thing.”
3) “By the by”
Just say “by the way.” We don’t need to see this whole other Webster Urban Dictionary nosedive you just did the night before. This is like the Riverfront Times newspaper making a simple phrase extra complex by adding a few big words or eccentrically Harvard phrases, and all they’re doing is describing a slice of pizza or movie. Keep it simple, no need to go to the bed, bath, and way beyond of conversation turnovers. BY… THE… WAY!
2) “You too”
Praise to Brian Regan for this one. I stand firmly with the comedian on people making this slip-up constantly. I do it still and just mentally slap myself. A person at a fast food drive-through hands your food over and says, “have a nice day!” Without thinking, the other human will say, “you too,” like they know the employee’s lunch schedule and that they will order the same exact thing when that break actually happens. It’s harmless but painful as we drive off with our double cheeseburgers, wondering if going back to give that person one would be a nice move. Here, you enjoy it… too.
2b) “I know, right”
It’s the weakest way to agree with someone.
1) “In my opinion”
What else would come out of your mouth? Imagine Ted saying this while sitting next to Brian: “In Brian’s opinion, we should… blah, blah, and more blah.” Screw that, just let Brian talk. Whenever I type this out in a Twitter reply, I immediately delete it. “In my opinion” is the “NO SHIT” phrase of the century. The meaning is already tiring by the time you say it.
I hope you enjoyed this riveting discussion inspired by @DonnaDIm71. Don’t worry about thinking before you talk. Who does that?? Just delete these five phrases from your mouth lexicon. You’re welcome.