Who really wanted a loop trolley?

Years ago, I wasn’t driving down Delmar and heard outside my car window, “all we need in this town to stop violence, underpaid teachers, depleted police force, and staggering crime rate is a loop trolley.” Nope, that never came up.

As the old fashioned turd of an idea prepares to take its final stroll down the loop on Sunday, it’s important to remember that this was a stupid idea from the get go. One that was seemingly cursed as well. People were struck by the thing, cars were hit, and comedians (including a fine one in Yale Hollander) were called in from the bullpen to help save it. Even genuine laughs couldn’t save this thing from crashing into bankruptcy.

In order to keep it going into the New Year, the cost would be $956,000. Now think about that total for a minute. What could be done with that money instead of continuing an overly slow, distracting piece of machinery from meandering down a street? Don’t bore me with the fact that this money can’t be moved over to help this instead rebuttal, because I don’t give a shit. Just think about all the good that money could provide instead of reintroducing us to the early 1900’s. Teachers could be paid to foster brilliance from our youth and perhaps a few crappy streets in the city could be fixed. We could even tell the city they could work on Poplar again, because boy do they love shutting that thing down.

Thankfully, the city and county told the Trolley committee no way when they asked for a million dollars to keep it going. At some point, the definition of insanity was starting to creep in. The Loop Trolley was already bailed out once this year. A second time wasn’t going to happen.

I know what this looks like from the outside. Federal money may not be heading St. Louis’ way when they want to reinvent the hot air balloon transit system across the metro area. Money could be tight when it comes to extending the Metro Link into south county. When the city asks for a few dollars to help with their space ship program, the answer may be no for a while. That is going to be a shame, but then again, the city and county only have themselves to blame for saying yes to the Loop Trolley. And don’t forget about Joe Edwards, the businessman and developer who decides what lands and doesn’t land in the Delmar Loop. Don’t speak for a few plays, dude.

I mean, who brought this idea to the board members and actually got them to bite? If his name isn’t Don Draper, I’m not buying it. Only that slick-haired fox could bedevil that crew.

It was a farce from the jump and you know it. A foolhardy and LOOPY idea that should have died at the brainstorming table in some Starbucks years ago. Someone took a pull from their triple Cafe Latte and blurted out, “let’s bring back the slowest form of transportation since a wounded horse!”

What a waste of time, money, and comedians.

It’s over now, but apparently not dead entirely. The Bi-State Development Agency is reportedly trying to take it over with a plan that helps the project break even in four years. Come on, just end it.  No matter what, The Loop Trolley ordeal will leave a black eye on St. Louis and Missouri for quite a while. The best thing you can do is laugh it off and hope no one with money walks out of the new film, “The Aeronauts,” wanting to bring back the hot air balloon.