Let me just get something out of the way before I begin this unfiltered rant: yoga pants are awesome. On men or women, they are always a pristine sight and a symbol of confidence. In other news, I bought a pair yesterday.
Alright, now that I have offended people, it’s time to launch this latest stream of consciousness that only the DOB factory can handle. If I wrote this over at KSDK News, the website would probably explode and I would be fired. Let’s do 1,000 words.
The Redskins Are Shitstains
In the latest reason why the NFL is a laughing stock of bad intentions, the Washington Redskins claimed linebacker Reuben Foster off waivers, even though he’s a known domestic abuser. A few days after being arrested at the team hotel and released by the San Francisco 49ers, Foster found a job. Some sports organizations (AHEM! CUBS! LOUD COUGH!) don’t care about their brand and what they tell the younger generation. They will say Foster didn’t mean to hurt anyone or that he’s moved past it. What a shitty excuse? If the St. Louis Cardinals or Blues ever acquire a known abuser, I’ll write about it until the end of time or my fingers start to bleed. Be better, Redskins. When you spend an entire day defending a move, it may not be worth it.
In other news, the Chicago Cubs might offer known abuser Addison Russell a contract. He must have promised Theo Epstein that he wouldn’t punch or kick anyone else. A throat choke isn’t out of the question, though. I hope he gets hit in the testicles with a fastball thrown by Jordan Hicks next year. I hear that hurts.
You have to wonder how terrible of a human being a player has to be off the field before Epstein won’t pay him money. https://t.co/kh3lidAdTo— CardsCards (@StlCardsCards) November 30, 2018
Trump Firing, Shouting, Hiring People
Question: Who is actually left from Donald Trump’s original council? He’s fired so many people or others just run away that I lost count. Sometimes, I scratch my eyes when I watch CNN and try to rationalize how he is our President. When you get ready to defend the lover of big words, remember he has the nuclear launch codes. But I know, he’s a great businessman. Let’s just hope he doesn’t get us killed.
Carpool Line Reveals Ugly Species
If you want a taste of how nasty people can get, take a ride over to the carpool line on Ivanhoe near Arsenal in South City and check out mothers and fathers scream at each other while bystanders yell and scream driving by. The street is narrow, the drivers are terrible, and the action is always white hot. You have a guy driving a truck he bought to satisfy his urge to be the man in the house and a woman who can’t even see over the steering wheel of her four-wheel drive powered vehicle. All the way, another man shaking his head because he can’t get by. My message is simple. Stay away from that street between 2:30-3:30 p.m. If you know it’s madness, don’t get close unless you have to get a kid. There are other streets. You should watch Black Friday madness videos while you watch carpool madness. Like an episode of South Park.
Baby, It’s cold outside and I am offended
A Cleveland radio station took a Christmas classic off the airwaves amid the #MeToo movement. “Baby, it’s cold outside” was scrapped when a caller found it to be inappropriate. The song supposedly carries signs of rape and isn’t proper for eyes these days. In other news, I would like “it’s raining men” pulled next. Look, all kidding aside, I have never listened to those lyrics and thought women were being violated sexually. I like the tune and hope it doesn’t start getting removed from all stations. The Cleveland radio station, according to USA Today, plays exclusively Christmas music.
Hey Kareem Hunt, fuck you too! The Kansas City Chiefs player beats up women as well. Why do men have to place their hands and feet on women in an abusive way? I just don’t get it. How many Ike Turner worshipers are out there? The video can be found on the internet. Let’s just say Spencer Ware is being picked up by fantasy football owners.
The Cincinnati Reds letting Billy Hamilton walk…
Intriguing. I don’t find the bat to be appetizing, but putting him in the outfield with Harrison Bader would make for exciting baseball games and close to elite outfield defense, especially if Marcell Ozuna’s shoulder is right. Look, you get Bryce Harper and Hamilton is a nice 4th or 5th outfielder. If you don’t get Harper and get an infielder, you grab Hamilton solely for late game defense and pinch-running. The man has a skill. Just ask Yadier Molina.
November and December: Film Critic rush
I came home today after picking up my son from school and I had Green Book, Ben Is Back, and First Man in my door. Yesterday, I received 3 DVDs. On Wednesday, I got 5 in the mail. This is the life of a film critic in the last six weeks of the year. Watching movies, reviewing them, watching more, and reviewing them. Sleeping some, eating here and there, and trying to describe the effect of a film before another movie is played. I’m not complaining, just venting. What we do as critics isn’t easy. It’s not just watch something, shake your shoulders, and walk away. We have to stand, think, and deliver. I don’t expect sympathy, but want to give you an idea.
- Julia Roberts has still got it.
- Idris Elba should be the next James Bond, but he won’t be.
- Ray Donovan is still going strong.
- Liev Schreiber can’t act enough.
- Paddy McKinley is a director to watch.
- Go watch Fightworld on Netflix.
- Get some food from Edibles and Essentials.
- Be nice to one another…until it’s time not to be nice.
That’s all I got. Thanks for reading and take this to the bank. When someone attacks you with words or tries to get a rise out of you, think about not responding. This is something I simply can’t master, so I pledge others to try and be better than me. I get hateful shit every week in my inbox or on Twitter. I usually respond. I should not. That is what they want. Next time it happens to you, be better.