Here’s What I Know, Volume 10: Moving, Lynn, Spidey, beer off tap

Live from the waiting room at the Princeton Heights, it’s time for another edition of HWIK: everything fit to print inside the head at the moment. No holds barred takes from the Douche Canoe(new name I saw on Twitter).

As I sip cup of coffee #3, let’s get moving.

  • Moving sucks. If I could take a cold nap from the day before to a month after, that would be swell. You find out just how much extra shit you have when you move. Lots of tag along nik nak bullshit. How many books and decorations do you need in life? The answer for me is seven totes. The wife is planning on gutting everything in the house except for breathing entities, so stay tuned for more shrink patient type confessions.
  • Lance Lynn didn’t throw his last pitch on Busch Stadium’s mound Sunday, but let me say this about him: he did a good job. In about 5.5 years of service, he has produced nearly a 14.5 WAR(wins above replacement) for the Cardinals for just under 16 million dollars. That’s a great bargain if the sabs wore you out. He throws old school cheddar, never got the appreciation from the fans, and his post game interviews should open in Friday nights and come with popcorn. While I wanted value for him this week due to his eventual departure, I’ll enjoy watching him pitch a few more times.

Image result for lance lynn

  • Tomorrow night, the final episode of my favorite TV series(the new Banshee)-Kingdom-airs, and the reality is closing in real fast that this show will be finished before August even gets started. A lot of plot threads are being left up in the air, characters are still waiting for further introspection, and there’s plenty of meat left on the bone. I couldn’t endorse another current show more than Byron Balasco’s MMA drama, and it’s not simply because Frank Grillo is fucking amazing in it (even though that’s a big part). Kingdom is a show with teeth, producing an hour of television where zero scenes are wasted, the pacing has a cinematic feel to it, and the characters are authentically built but far from boring. The writing is crisp. The acting is phenomenal. The fact that there won’t be a fourth season is something I shall comprehend at a later date, but for now, let’s appreciate and devour the final two hours. A movie length version of the best show on television(suck it, Thrones).

  • Uber Driving Diary Entry #1: there are times where I think this job is a big fat mistake. When you drive around and get no rides for 30-45 minutes, the frustration builds and the doubt enters. Then you get a few rides, meet a couple interesting people, make some quick easy cash, and faith is restored. I think that is every job, though.
  • Do the Cardinals know what they are doing? I don’t think so. The last time the Cards missed the playoffs in back-to-back seasons, John Mozeliak was entering his reign as General Manager and the team was celebrating a World Series honeymoon. For the first time since 2005 (via 550 KTRS stat maestro David Soloman), the Cards didn’t make a trade between July 25-31. If there is a plan, please tell me. Like Denzel asked in Philadelphia, explain it to me like I’m a five year old.
  • While he isn’t the star some Cards fans think he is, Matt Carpenter’s beard game is strong.
  • How big is my new house in Princeton Heights? Rachel just bought walkie-talkies for us to use with Vinny when he is in the basement, and we are upstairs.
  • I don’t feel comfortable in a new house/neighborhood until I do three things: mow the lawn, go for a run, and unpack my office stuff. Consider this three complete less than ten days after moving in.
  • Uber Diaries Entry #2: I think I saw a couple break up in my backseat on Saturday night. She was crying, and then he was crying. Like it or not, I’ll be a stiff marker in that couple’s bouncy history and ending.
  • I think Donald Trump knows exactly how full of shit he is-and is basking in the sunlight of idiocracy (not a word technically, but roll with me anyway) while other more experienced politicians freak out. He’s leaning into his ineptness. I barely pay attention to his exploits, but his first six months in office has been a freak show. To quote my good friend Matt Berger, the White House is more disorganized than the five dollar DVD bin at Walmart.
  • Carlos Martinez isn’t an ace…yet. He needs more grooming and that’s okay, because there is time. The Cards don’t expect to truly compete until 2022.
  • Did I mention he is only 25 years old?
  • How good is the new Spider Man film? It makes you forget all about Tobey Maguire’s steaming pile of horse shit tenure as the webslinger, and makes you excited for more entries. Lighthearted and fun, Homecoming doesn’t try to do too much or guarantee anything more than a good time. Salute.
  • The latest entry in the “beer off tap is better than bottled or canned beer” chronicles: I’d rather pay 14 dollars for two pints of Tank 7 at a bar than spend 13 dollars on four 16 ounce bottles at a store. It simply tastes better in house. There is no better beer out there right now.
  • Mikey Garcia beat Adrian Broner on Saturday, and I couldn’t be happier. Broner is an overrated trash talking machine who deserves a fine beatdown. While Garcia didn’t destroy him as I asked, the win was registered.
  • I’ll pay movie theater ticket admission to watch Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Conor McGregor fight this month. That’s as inviting as a throwaway Jason Statham action flick, which I am always up for. Wise cracking one liners, a few great moments, and perhaps some eye candy.

Final words. Eat more salads. Make fried foods a special treat. Go for a walk if you can’t run. Take ten minutes every night for yourself, at least. Laundry and dishes suck, but a sink full of dirty dishes and smelly clothes is far worse.

Thanks for reading,


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