I’m a little late here as Wednesday turns into Thursday but bare with me. A stay at home dad/writer doesn’t really keep track of time so the hell with it. Rapid fire style. No fancy routes taken. Let’s run.
What if pillows didn’t fold?
What if bacon wasn’t crispy?
What if drivers didn’t have to follow a speed limit and instead use their better judgement?
What if all we had was classic Folgers?
What was breakup texting before cellphones? Post it notes.
What if Siri was a vegetarian and wouldn’t search restaurants with meat?
What if Siri told you to go fuck yourself?
What would men do if they didn’t have hair on their legs?
What would women do without yoga pants?
What if fat guys couldn’t wear sleeveless shirts?
What if aliens were asked to summarize earth and its inhabitants and they held up a picture of a crowded McDonald’s playground?
What exactly does a hockey player want to do to the other team after they get eliminated in the playoffs? It’s not shake their fucking hand.
What if Hollywood couldn’t reboot, remake, adapt or make sequels out of older films?
How full of shit is Sarah Palin exactly? Does she know?
What if Donald Trump could never say the word “billions” again?
What if NFL referees governed traffic instead of cops? Would holding be comparable to not letting someone in your lane?
What if there were no umpires and robots called balls and strikes? How would managers argue?
What if women didn’t have hair straighteners?
What if guys couldn’t shave their head?
How do you feel about it being hot all year?
What if you made a single woman choose between a carton of ice cream, a glass of wine or a bad rom com?
What if a guy had to choose between shaving cream, chicken wings and Stallone?
What if a big budget movie performed badly, the actors would have to refund their salaries? Maybe Robert DeNiro and Samuel L. Jackson would choose less shittier films.
What if wrestlers couldn’t become actors?
What if Michael Bay wasn’t allowed to blow things up on a movie?
Last but not least. What if Steve Jobs didn’t go to work?
Thanks and good morning.
D l b