Entourage The Movie is a waste of your time

Entourage was a pure guilty pleasure for TV fans back in 2003 when it debuted on HBO. It was an escape for blue collar stiffs and wannabe dreamers who didn’t have the logistics, cajones or money to escape to LA and take a shot instead. Those 26 minute episodes every Sunday were like crack for the rich and famous nerds like myself.

At its best, Creator Doug Ellin’s High Life seminar gave people a sly behind the scenes spill of how movie stars really act, how nutty directors really are and how aggressive agents wanted to be sharks. It was irresistible. Every time the credits hit, you wanted more and more. The TV show ran its usual course, playing out like a party in Hollywood Hills. Exotically hip and vibrant for 3-4 seasons before dying off a slow retread filled life for the last 3-4 seasons.

Every TV show overstays its welcome. It’s just a matter of how long they beg to sleep over before you want them out of the house. Entourage the movie, released four years after the show closed its doors on HBO, didn’t need to happen and feels old. It’s like the boys from Queens got lonely, needed a place to crash again, and your wallets are the only place in town with a light on. I wonder if HBO said no or just didn’t pick up the phone for this bros first soap opera.

The entire movie isn’t shit but the story is so stale that even Jeremy Piven’s hot shot quick tongued agent Ari Gold can’t save it. Piven was the reason to watch most of the time when the show was on cable and in the movie he is the raft keeping us interested in the middle of a sea without a good script.

Once again, Adrian Grenier’s Vince is in over his head, and that drags the entire gang in with him. Gold has to deal with crazy Texas oil tycoons, and the miraculous happens in the end. Kevin Dillon’s Drama still can’t catch a break, Kevin Connolly’s Eric is still emotional about the ladies and Jerry Ferrera’s Turtle is rich yet still driving and chasing down Ronda Rousey. It’s all cool and the gang, if I was at home on my couch.

The cameos don’t stop and it gets nauseating instead of cool. You begin to wonder if they just showed up around the set and Ellin just asked them to step in front of the camera. The original muse for the whole operation, Mark Wahlberg, shows up and looks tired and wanting to be somewhere else. Tom Brady, Russell Wilson, Rob Gronkowski and Clay Matthews all show up for a quick second. Liam Neeson gives Gold the finger. Warren Buffet rides on a golf cart. Armie Hammer, playing an ass version of himself, still sucks. This is a VIP party and not a movie. It’s a high school reunion and not original.

If you enjoy seeing the guys doing the exact same thing over and over again, Entourage is worth watching. If you can wait to enjoy them like you did for so many years, that’s the better and cheaper route. Mad Max: Fury Road is worth seeing again. Stay home, donate six hours, grab a keg, some pizza and watch Season 2 of the show because the James Cameron/Aquaman subplot was the high point of the series. Everything else pales in comparison.

Piven is truly great and if you could slice and dice his one liner bombs, physical destruction of Ari’s inner beast and splice them into a small film reel, I may donate some cash to see that. Everything else is painfully familiar. You get this many actors, producers and faces into a movie and this is result. It’s not pathetic or horrible. It’s simply not worth your time.

Next time give the invaluable Rhys Coiro and Bob Saget more to do. They get a few lines here and that’s it. Nobody puts Billy Walsh in a corner. I wonder how many celebs flat out said HELL NO to being in this film.

The number may be scary. Do yourself a favor and decline this invite to the Entourage VIP party. It will only make you yearn for the show’s better days and wonder how much effort it would have taken for you to race out to Hollywood and be somebody.

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