The D Train has a compelling group of actors but a story that is as old and tired as spoiled milk in an empty apartment. Jack Black and James Marsden are talented actors but their work here never gets on the right freeway for viewers to enjoy the story. This is a movie without a real identity. Let me spin the setup quick.
Black is a school alumni nerd who never had his glory day in high school and spends his mid thirties trying to be so cool that he irons the juicy details right out of the word with every stupid nickname he gives himself. In order to win back some respect, he ventures out to Hollywood to lure back the high school superstar Oliver Lawless(Marsden, who has the most fun in the film) for the alumni reunion. A wildly unexpected event after a hard night of boozing and drugging forces the two men to reconsider everything.
This movie is like Black’s character. It wants to be super cool, very funny and also poignant in the end and it fails on all three fronts. It isn’t funny and the poster and trailer inform the viewer that “Get Him to the Greek” is in the cards. While that film had a brave and game duo in Jonah Hill and Russell Brand, Black and Marsden are pure blandness when together. Their wildness pales in comparison to the Greek’s wildness because the comedy was present and the drama was even surprisingly fresh.
D Train swings and misses completely because the story doesn’t know what it wants to be. The directors tried to mix things up by throwing a crazy odd and completely off putting twist midway through the film and instead of propelling the film, it flips the movie seven times like a bad accident on a highway. For having a cast that includes Kathryn Hahn and Jeffrey Tambor, this movie comes off as an amateur production. Something that would perk your interest in the middle of the night simply because you couldn’t believe this group of actors gave their time to it.
The biggest misfire here is Jack Black. The man is wickedly talented and can be very funny, but he strangles his appeal here and produces another result that makes a movie fan question his consistency. Did he do this as a favor to a friend or was the script better before the studio neutered it? No one will ever know but Black is bad here and his character is the compass so the entire film is doomed.
Don’t see D Train in theaters and don’t rent it at Redbox. Wait for it to appear mid snooze on your television months down the road. Watch a scene or two and then keep on surfing. This movie isn’t funny, compelling or worth your time.