It’s only been four days, but for the first time in three months, there isn’t a new episode of Banshee to look forward to this week. That’s sad and makes me long for an antique violin to strum on my deck, but let’s go back to Friday’s finale and have some fucking fun. I wrote my official reviewcap then. This is a more of a bang for bang, whatever said goes, funny, dark, light, mindfucked take on my favorite show. Why write more? I have two hands and this show gets to me, Let’s fire it up with the pre-credits sequence.
Tick…tick…tick…20 second countdown sequence. It all makes sense now. All the images click. Lucas with the gun, Kai staring up at the cross, Rebecca at the mass, Job in the chair, Burton closeup. All the images that have racked our brains for weeks now all carry a special identity.
Lucas’s Jason Bourne moment. The scene with our anti-hero dressed in white, handcuffed to the floor and all that pales in comparison to the fact that Antony Starr is clean shaven. Full Metal Jacket shaved. And they send the alternate anchor lightweight Elliott from HBO’s The Newsroom to go cleanse him of his sins. David Harbour is DALTON! Holy shit, the Cinemax team pull another WTF Houdini casting bit that seems just right in Banshee land. Apparently, Dalton doesn’t like curse words because he gives Lucas(or Gary or whoever the fuck he is in this time) a day no drink/no food cleanse. Not cool, Dalton. Any relationship to the Phillies catcher by the way??? No, alright cool.
Credits. Images with meaning. If you haven’t paid attention, you haven’t cracked the true Banshee code. Offseason homework kids.
Leo loves Job.
Job denies all the shit Leo tells Job he did.
Job is very hot apparently. Leo isn’t sweating at all. What’s wrong here? Is a heater blowing on our favorite bald wise cracking hacker’s head or something? Camp Genoa’s water heater broken or something? Shit. They couldn’t pull a few bills off that stack before the crew stole it and kept up on the utilities?
Job denies more accolades(being compared to anyone in China is a big deal, right?) until Leo mentions a certain soldier being deleted.(for the sleepers, that’s Lucas). Job is paying attention but still tells Leo to fuck off somewhere.
People say fuck a lot on Banshee. People in Kansas probably don’t watch because of it.
Leo sees a golden ticket in Job. Job sneers. Moral of the scene. Job is a big deal everywhere, even on Mars. Leo is jealous. The one line Job doesn’t say, “Motherfucker, you only found me because your system had a lucky glitch. Shiiiitttttt!”
Cut to Burton wiping Kai’s blood off. Burton loves Kai and Rebecca is jealous. Bad jealous. Like the little girl on the Mcdonalds play area who’s mad because her friend wants to share a McNugget with the other girl instead of her.
Rebecca says sorry. Burton glares over like, “I’m #1 now bitch.” Rebecca is extremely jealous but since she’s the hottest female on the show, doesn’t feel too bad. Burton and Rebecca are two quarterbacks on Proctor’s football team, each vying for #1 status. Neck and neck race that favors Burton right now. She killed Alex Longshadow, the prodigal son. He killed Nola, which is equivalent to beating up Trinity in the Matrix. Respect!
Rebecca is dressed in black by the way, which usually means venomous activity but not here. Kai tells her she’s mobster stupid, forgives her because he was once mobster stupid and they head to Philly together listening to B.B. King’s “The Thrill Is Gone”(okay, made up, but still cool).
Cut back to Camp Genoa and Job is still getting his ass kicked. He’s thrown back with the rest of the fucked up tripod. Sugar defends Carrie and the merc kicks Job in the chest instead. Guess he was closest. Sugar must be the most intimidating guy with his hands zip tied while sitting on the ground because the 250 pound lug didn’t think about touching him. Combined, the trio have registered around 88 punches and kicks to the chest but still manage to avoid long naps and seizures and crank up a little conversation. I would have been crying like Justin Bieber at his roast after the first hook to my ribs.
Sugar says what happened and Job glares at Carrie thinking, “She fucked the Colonel. Mindfucked Lucas for 15 years straight, and you still wonder what happened here, old man” in his head. Translation: “We got sloppy.”
Carrie and Sugar urge Job to stay positive. Job tells them to rewatch the previous 29 episodes and rethink that notion.
Lucas pays a visit, telling the shady mercs to open the fucking gate because he’s got a game of blow up the internal bridge set up with Stowe. It would have been killer if Lucas showed up in his Genoa Raid black thief outfit just to really piss Stowe off but that’s just not cool enough. For the past two episodes, Lucas has done all his show duties looking half asleep. Someone slip our lone wolf hero a five hour energy drink or something.
Job unleashes a tirade on Carrie about screwing up Lucas’ head. He’s only been holding it in for 17 years. Sugar reminds everybody that dying with dignity is important. Carrie and Job obviously haven’t seen Gladiator or Glory.
Lucas gloats in Stowe’s office and tells him he has six million reasons to be there, farting in his chair and smiling like a con artist. This counts as two bad ass adversaries that have underestimated Hood this season. Stowe plays the Dalton angle quick but Lucas says fuck you because it’s been done already(this episode nonetheless) and and I have a beard now asshole! Bushy perfectly groomed beards=stronger resolve.
Stowe and Dalton have similar glass tapping rings. Looks like a prom ring to me but who cares.
Lucas wants to see his kids. Stowe wants his money, wailing like Teddy KGB, give me my MONEY or I will beat you in Connect 4 little man! They argue like parents who’ve separated. Rich intensity here folks!
White outfit/clean shaven/Dalton Press Daily Report! Lucas apparently killed his dad. I think he would have told Dalton he started the Chicago Fire, killed Kennedy and was responsible for Sharknado at that point because the man was fucking thirsty. Dude had a third glass of water and that’s it.
Stowe shows Lucas the kids, kicks Carrie in the face, steps on Sugar’s throat and once again asks for his money. Lucas could have busted out an IOU pink slip or something but now, steely resolve intact. He even holds his composure as he walks away and hears Stowe twisting Sugar’s nipple off camera. Fierce!
BUNKER TIME! Ask me and I could use a day in the life of Kurt Bunker this summer to tide us over. Tom Pelphrey did day time TV(and has Emmy’s to prove it) so it would be a darker fit for Cinemax daytime programming. Bunker pays his Neo Nazi non skinhead brotherhood suit wearing brother a visit and even has the decency to clean up the kids breakfast dishes as he is berated by his little brother. Tom Pelphrey looks very good in that uniform by the way, which pretty much makes anything his brother is saying quiet and meaningless. Watch the scenes from American History X with Edward Norton and Stacy Keach and you get the drift. This isn’t the post office, Kurt. You can’t just join the police and say enough with the brotherhood. There should have been a brochure or something. This potential Season 4 story line goes on the burner(literally, wait until the end of the episode). Bunker against his past!
Hector Morales is exactly what the show needed. Another larger than life supporting player who literally chews scenery with his dialogue. He likes oversized polos, samurai swords, and extra baggy khaki’s that definitely weren’t bought at Dockers.
Lucas is loading his guns at The Forge. Dave Matthews Band’s “Last Stop” kept playing in my head watching this scene. As he punches bullets into the glock mag, we see Dalton serve our man a steak. Dalton never laid a hand on Lucas. He swung dehydration, hunger and the guilt of his past over his head like grenades. I think we will see more of him in Season 4 as a big bad.
Enter Gordo. Remember him at the gun range blowing holes in the paper earlier? Remember the military tat on his shoulder? His fighting abilities at the pool rescue? The way he recognized the bullet casing at the end of 309. Writing has been on the wall for hours. Gordo can handle himself in combat. Gordo can play Cowboys N’ Indians too. He’s a gunslinger(imaging a six shooter on his waist). As Methodic Doubt drops a sick beat on their theme, Gordo sets up his rifle and Lucas goes back to looking unnerved and thinks back to that steak dinner again.
At the same time, Proctor, Burton, Rebecca and Hector ready their raid on the Black Beards. That’s right. Two gangs. Lots of guns. A sword and some baggy ass pants and buttoned up shirt and bowtie armed bitches. Banshee doesn’t waste a single second in their episodes, so I expected the finale to be a heart pounding video game theater drama with sprinkles of Stallone/Arnold/Van Damme all over it.
Stowe delicately sharpens his knife. Grease. Stone. Easy. Baby. This guy is as cool as a feather and calm as a cucumber. Good thing we didn’t see The Voice playing in the background.
Lucas and Gordo leave the Forge. Proctor’s Gang leaves the office. Methodic Doubt still dropping that sick riff.
Cut to Brock and Bunker at Miles Diner. Remember Episode 309, where Brock asked the man if he could handle it. The looks on people’s faces. His former comrades giving him shit. Bunker said sure. Yeah right, and I can sing like Sinatra Kurt.
Bunker walks outside and quickly gets into a dick measuring contest with his old pals, and shit gets hot. Brock breaks it up and it makes me wonder if Matt Servitto should moonlight as a referee in the offseason. That’s all he does these days. Bunker seizes the moment with his “COME ON” at the end. This man may be the most dangerous guy in Banshee now. He’s not sad. He’s mad. He’s not just driven. He’s riveted. Compelling stuff from Pelphrey(fellow 1982 kid like myself. Go Cardinals). Bunker has probably done worse things than Lucas, Stowe, Chayton and Proctor combined. Once again, Banshee lego set masters, give us MORE BUNKER! Brock has no idea how easy he had it with Lucas.
It’s a good thing the captives have plenty of time on their hands because those zip ties sure are thick.
Lucas pulls up to Camp Genoa in the truck as we close in on Burton’s face. Matty Rauch either has the skin of an angel or the makeup crew is that damn good because pimples are afraid of that face!
Clay gets out of the car and easily walks into the middle of the parking lot, stares a couple of dudes down, takes off his glasses, and could have checked his mobile UVerse app for a show he wanted to record before someone notices him and gets shot. I guess Frazier didn’t think twice about not hearing from the three guys Kai burned to death. Busy ordering cigars I guess….
It would have been more fitting if the crew walked up and broke out Gillette razor blades and said plainly, “Let’s shave some beards” in the most absolute 1980’s tone.
Instead, Proctor plugs a dude and the two men start the cool walk towards Frazier’s office.
Lucas pulls up to the gate, doesn’t say “Here to see….your head blow up”, plugs a guard, and Gordo bounces up from the back of the truck with Arnold’s gun from Predator. He grenades the tower and plugs the other guard. The raid has begun.
One letdown. Neither Lucas or Gordo wore facepaint. Still sore over Tribal I suppose? Anyway..
Gordo legs it out old school John Wayne style, shoots two more guards, tosses a grenade, doesn’t get shot while Lucas spins the truck into the middle of the compound. If the grenade into the tower was the appetizer, Lucas blowing up the real Hood’s truck was the juicy entree. Somewhere, Michael Buffer screams “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!”
Stowe has a moment where he argues with his alternate personality. Stowe and Bunker could probably trade some real scary war stories, as they tightened belts, greased knifes and glared at one another over a game of checkers. Anyway……
Lucas apparently brought just a single pistol with him to an attack on mercenaries because he gets pinned behind a truck for what seems like aneternity while Gordo sets up on top of a building nearby. Next time, Lucas, get the machine gun from Gordo or pick something up. He got pinned down in the church because he only brought a handgun. It happened again! When will he learn?
Meanwhile in Philly, Hector slices a guy’s arm off and signs off on the sword. “This is a GOOD fucking sword.”
Rebecca does all her killing in white dresses, just in case you haven’t been paying attention.
EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING is old school on this show while being classy. Frazier won’t leave his building even though his crew faces imminent death. Cue the explosion.
Back to Genoa. Lucas is STILL pinned behind the truck when Gordo kills a guy ready to shoot Hood in the back. Lucas says thanks, hurry up and pulls out a book to read while he fires repeated shots at a merc.
The captives cut the zip ties. Sugar knocks the guard out with one straight right. Like 50 Cent, Sugar’s only got two steps with a little twist but it works well here. Job looks at him in bewilderment, forgetting the man was a prize fighter once. The crew comes under fire but it’s a good thing Job can handle a machine gun. He isn’t just a hacker. The man can handle all kinds of weapons. You wonder where he got this training? Perhaps Lucas showed him a few things or he could have uploaded that shit into his brain Neo style. Who cares? No need to live in the past. All of this happens as they hide behind a Toyota forklift which happens to be propane powered.
Once outside, they run into Murphy the Tornado, who manages to fuck with all parties here in one instant. He throws a grenade at Sugar and Job, shoots up at Gordo and over at Lucas before returning to Job.
Job is okay but Sugar is knocked. Once the two agree Murphy isn’t winning the People’s Sexiest Man alive award, they engage in the rematch.
Carrie is still running around when Stowe stops her in her tracks with a shove. Carrie’s reaction, “Jeez”. Stowe gives her a couple taps before Carrie slips into kickass mode. Stowe seems surprised and taunts her. He must have missed the Olek fight.
Murphy tries to overpower Job with his kicking impossible routine but fails because Job is the only man who can scrap in a cardigan.
Meanwhile, Carrie bites Stowe’s lip, Stowe pulls a knife but it gets knocked away. Murphy pulls a knife once he gets tired of kicking. Carrie drops the line of the year on Stowe, “You fight better than you fuck”(a far cry from her sounds that opened the season back in Fire Trials) and gets the upper hand.
Job turns the tables on Murphy, whispering, “Your voice is really lame, dude”.
Carrie takes forever crawling towards the knife and Stowe surprises her with a shot to the chest. Remember, this dude took three shotgun rounds to the chest and still managed to fight three people in a small truck.
Lucas is STILL trapped behind the truck, but good news. Job slices Murphy’s throat, and Gordo calls on Tom Berenger’s Greatest Hits in Sniper and guns down the rival marksman. Lucas finally kills the man behind the other truck.
Sugar and Job engage in their witty banter that requires an entire section on the upcoming Blu Ray.
Damn, Gordo caught a bullet though in the process and lets out the foreshadowing, “fuck”. Sorry Kansas.
Back to Philly. The fearsome foursome finish off the Beards, covering Frazier in shaving cream head to toe for a torturing session. Kidding. Proctor steals his cigar, burns his eye out and Hector cuts his head off. Done and done. Revenge and sinister fun. Almost too easy but that’s what happens when you leave a man for dead in the land of make believe. He wipes you out. Kai’s had it rough enough in Season 3. His niece is a mess. His mother died. His father just started to love him again and that’s now gone. He’s also walking funny because Lucas kicked his ass in Episode 305 and the Beards messed him up pretty good as well. Yeah, Kai gets it easy here. I wouldn’t trust Hector though going forward. No way.
Job and Hood have a quick reconciliation before Stowe appears holding a gun to Carrie’s head. Here we go. Flashbacks to Tribal abound. Can Hood
take the shot? Will his inner turmoil cost another life? Who pays for their sins here?
Hood immediately sees Chayton holding Siobhan in his head and isn’t lowering his weapon this time. He’s ready to shoot before Gordo appears out of nowhere and blows Stowe’s hand off. Carrie stabs him to death with his own knife. Nice sharpening job, Colonel. Hopewell justice!
However, no cheers here because Gordo drops, mortally wounded from the sniper bullet. Carrie sees it and runs over to him. He got shot in the middle of the gut. If anyone has watched Three Kings, they know that’s the bad spot to get hit. Gordo’s a goner.
Worse, Job is pulling tags off Stowe when Leo shoots him. Some hackers shoot their heroes in the back. This happens not far from where Lucas looks down at Carrie and Sugar tending to a dying Gordo.
Once he gets wind of the helicopter starting, Lucas runs over. However, all he has is the PISTOL!!! Useless. He runs out of ammo and watches Job fly away, out of his reach. As Sinatra once said, the sweet is nothing without the bitter.
In Banshee, there are no happy endings. Just another fight on a different day. Lucas is horrified. This is the first time he’ll be without his best friend since the Dalton days.
Gordon dies. Carrie is equally lost. Lucas is lost. Their world is in shambles. Sugar witnesses it all. Like Doc Holliday told Johnny Ringo, they play for blood in this town and sometimes it hurts really bad.
Back at the Cadi, Bunker is tightening a belt around his hand and grunting severely as Brock interrupts his mental workout. Before Brock gives him the speech, Bunker proclaims, “I am one of those guys” and fires off the most emotional, heartbreaking and utterly brilliant monologues of the season and the series. Servitto must have been like, damn, this dude pulling some Daniel Day Lewis shit here. Method wickedness. Tom Pelphrey says all of this while literally shaking. In the end, Brock talks him down with the “We are all fucked in this town, kid” speech. Works every time. Time and experience, son. And Bunker ran out of belt to wrap around his hand.
Outside the Cadi, Lucas doesn’t get to breathe for long. He hugs a visually distraught Deva, who just lost her dad and barely knows her real one before locking eyes with Carrie, their lives forever changed. Brock wants Lucas’ take on Genoa, but Hood is already mentally checked out. Badge and resignation on the desk. He’s on that bike riding out of town in his head…but still here physically. If Deva wasn’t out of whack, Lucas would have never come back to town this episode.
Brock tells him he is keeping the badge this time. Three seasons is enough. Finally, Brock Lotus is sheriff! Beard dance time!
Poor Bunker. Driven to stop the brotherhood but they strike first. Calvin wants the swastika back and burns it off SOA style. Looks like the Cadi will be short a man for a few weeks.
Sugar and Lucas fight over Job’s whereabouts but it’s useless. Now you know what this place would look like WITHOUT Job. Not good. Angrier. Lucas denies the whiskey Sugar pours. He’s got enough edge in his soul for an eternity.
Lucas thinks back to nearly leaving Dalton before the daddy line is dropped. It’s like they are a couple. Right before he leaves the guy, he says, “You’re just like your father.” Damn it woman! He stayed, did dirty work, met Job, broke out. Met Rabbit. Fell in love with Carrie. Did lots of time. Tracked her down. Became sheriff. Wrecked a lot of lives. Time to leave. Time for a new identity. We’ll see more of Dalton in Season 4.
Lucas sees Kai and enters the most awkward chat ever. Remember Meet The New Boss. Lucas, half dead and beaten badly, proudly defiant in front of Proctor outside the Forge. Flash forward to now. Kai thinks Lucas was a shitty sheriff. Lucas agrees. And…here…we….go!
That’s it. Oh, Job wakes up in what presumably looks like Dalton’s lair but you never know.
That’s it. I hope you enjoyed this alternate recap. Blow by blow with some humor and something extra.
Stay tuned for more offseason Banshee coverage folks.